tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47220743589379927982024-02-07T16:22:37.386-08:00Love Like Crazykayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.comBlogger159125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-86634894338609403322013-11-06T20:14:00.004-08:002013-11-06T20:14:48.376-08:00our new home<a href="http://eshbaugh.weebly.com/">http://eshbaugh.weebly.com/</a><br />
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this is our new home!<br />
to keep up with our family click on that link!<br />
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Lots of love remember to message me your emails because I will be making it private soon.<br />
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:)kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-23835507596422515032013-11-04T18:35:00.001-08:002013-11-04T18:35:18.684-08:00BloggerI know. I have done this a hundred times but I am changing my blog I found a better site other than blogger so I am moving there. I have no idea if anyone even reads my blog but give me your emails if you read my blog and I will make sure you can view it! :)<br />
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Hopefully I wont need to change again!<br />
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-Kaylakayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-10050964407199741272013-11-01T14:51:00.002-07:002013-11-01T14:51:33.270-07:00Bath time!<img height="426" src="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1378570_10201105173605553_2055409437_n.jpg" width="640" /><div>
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and now he is CLEAN!</div>
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kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-13666610103816837852013-11-01T14:47:00.000-07:002013-11-01T14:47:13.190-07:00A baby and his momma<a href="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1382432_10201098493878564_172197178_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1382432_10201098493878564_172197178_n.jpg" /></a><br />
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He is my world.<br />
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and I am his world.<br />
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I love watching this boy grow. BEST JOB EVER.<br />
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kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-67369076726387498152013-10-25T13:27:00.001-07:002013-10-25T13:27:22.064-07:00one month of mommy-hood<img height="640" src="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1375210_10201015226636935_68885734_n.jpg" width="426" /><br />
I knew there would be:<br />
dirty diapers, sleepless nights, spit up, and many fussy moments.I knew I would be so happy to have my baby in my arms and I knew I would love that baby with all my heart. I knew I would get to see him when he is happy and sad. I knew I would be able to watch my husband hold him and get the satisfaction that our family just grew so significantly.<br />
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But I did not know:<br />
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That while trying to deliver my baby boy I could hardly feel any pain because I was so excited and so focused on getting to see my little child. All those days hours laboring were nothing at that moment because with each push, each contraction I was that much closer to meeting my baby. Also, no one can explain how exciting it is to hear your midwives tell you he is almost out. That the next push will be your last. Listening to Robert say excitedly that he can see the baby's head and he has hair! Or that when my mom was by my head holding it counting each push with me I felt calm and in control, and I felt no pain although my epi was almost done.<br />
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That the minute they placed that little boy on my chest it would feel like that hospital room was one of the most sacred places.<img src="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1378770_10201053592236051_1606761008_n.jpg" /><br />
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Or that looking at that little boy I could see Robert and I in him, and I realized how incredible it is to see yourself and the man you love in someone.<img src="https://scontent-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1385488_10201047970295506_195830693_n.jpg" /><br />
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Or that overwhelming feeling of unconditional love that felt like I had been dipped in it from head to toe.<br />
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When my baby cries just to be held by mommy how incredible that feels.<img src="https://scontent-b-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/994030_10201009328449484_2106250834_n.jpg" /><br />
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When he smiles I want to kiss him all over.<br />
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It's not all easy but its all worth it.<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-77746661368693959922013-10-05T15:55:00.004-07:002014-12-14T23:56:50.875-08:00Introducing...<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Our baby BOY!</span></div>
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<img height="466" src="https://scontent-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1381590_10200913177125761_104049773_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We would like you to meet <span style="font-size: x-large;">Calin Warren Kai Eshbaugh</span><br />
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Born 9-26-13<br />
12:09 P.M.<br />
8.10 lbs<br />
21.5 inches long<br />
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So far we think he has my mouth and Robert's nose.<br />
We do not know the color of his eyes yet they look super dark grey.<br />
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Here are some pics around the house of my little baby boy!<br />
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He has SOO much dry skin! From being in too long :)<br />
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waiting for him to come! Contractions = no fun<br />
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sheesh was I tired! only four hours of sleep!<br />
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in total awe of him<br />
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Calin laying on daddy<br />
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Peace...ha<br />
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So his name....<br />
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Calin is a celtic name (scottish) and I am about 75% scottish. It means powerful warrior. Actually we wanted to name him Kaleb or Logan but Robert joked and made up the name Calin. I looked it up online and sure enough it was an awesome real name with a cool meaning and scottish influence! Awesome.<br />
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Warren is my Grandfathers name. He died when my mother was just a baby and I have never met him before. I wanted to name my first son after him for a long long time. Warren is his middle name. Warren means protector.<br />
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Kai yes we did it. We gave our baby two middle names. He may hate us or love us for it later IDK. but yes Kai, it is Japanese and it means Ocean.We loved how it sounded with his name and Robert's mom and Japanese family really liked it too. Added bonus I love the ocean? lol.<br />
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So thats how his name came to be. Calin is pronounced Cal like California and in like inside. Cal-in Calin :)<br />
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We are so OVERJOYED to be parents. I could care less about me now, now I just want him to be happy and healthy. Being a new parent is hard work but I love it SOOOO MUCH.kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-90956178095679023562013-10-05T15:40:00.000-07:002013-10-05T15:40:14.700-07:00We had a baby!!!- the labor storyHey all this first week of being a parent wow. So many emotions first of which is incredible JOY. Then a little fearful comes in and then reassurance...<br />
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I was 40 weeks and three days when I went into the doctors for a stress test. One to check and make sure the baby is not stressed and doing all right. I started having to do these because my fluid in my placenta was strangely low like several times. That adds lots of stress to the baby. Anyways so we went in I saw the ultrasound my fluid was lower than ever and my doctor came in and said we were going to start the induction process. That was Tuesday Sept 24th. I was with my mom and hurried frantic to get a hold of Robert and praying hard he was not already at work in Davis. He sure enough was getting gas and headed over to labor and delivery.<br />
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And here it all began. They gave me some medicine to start the process I was only at a one when they induced me. after that first day nothing really happened too much. That morning my midwife asked if I wanted to do this balloon thing where they insert a balloon and blow it up inside you and put some tension on it so it will make me dilate faster. They put it in and not even twenty minutes later it came one. (one of the most painful things ever) I took a couple warm showers and let me tell you they are AMAZING in the whole control of my contractions. LOVE that warm water. Anyways I was at a four and not really progressing too much. They say the process of starting labor is slow and let me tell you THEY WERE RIGHT ON. Morning and night these contractions came I didn't get an epidural yet. Let me just say I was really hoping I could go all natural or whatever but I was in the bathroom having one of the worst contractions yet and I prayed my little heart out. I wanted to be brave and what ever and be strong and do the best thing for my baby. I had this overwhelming feeling that God did not want to see me suffer if I could get help with the pain he wanted me to do it. So I said it right there I would wait till I was at a six and then that epidural would be my life savor.<br />
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That night was very painful but I got through it pretty well. They broke my water and it was sooo much stress on the baby that they had to fill me up with fluids again so the baby would have a cushion because his heart rate was dropping I have to say this was the scariest moment for me. They put me on oxygen and I cried and cried as the midwife and doctor looked at that little blinking heart beat on the screen. Luckily God sent an angel doctor who sat by me and took my hand and told me the baby was fine and I was fine and they would not let anything happen.<br />
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That next morning I was at a six.I got the epidural and only one side of my body was numb! crap. So they realized it was placed wrong (perfect) They replaced it and it stopped working! OUCH. Contraction pain more painful than ever. Luckily Robert was right beside me helping me to stay calm and breath my way through every single one. I was able then to get another epidural and crossed my fingers it would work. Nope. :( few hours later I could feel all that glorious pain again. I breathed through it but knew I needed to sleep. Luckily they said some people just need higher doses of meds... I am that person because once they upped the dose it was great. I was checked again and still at a 6. My midwife said that in an hour if they check on me and nothing has happened then I will need to get ready for other things (C-Section)<br />
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That hour among trying to sleep on and off I prayed my little heart out. I knew that I wanted my baby to come and be healthy but for the life of me I DID NOT WANT A C SECTION. Not after EVERYTHING I had been through! I pleaded with the lord. But like always I told him his will be done. I told him I could do a C-Section and I would if I needed too (duh) but I just said I would rather go all the way on this one please help me do this. Then after my prayers I was fully preped in my head it was like a C-section was not a problem anymore. I was actually more afraid of pushing then.<br />
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The nurses came in and out and moved me from side to side to help get me ready. an hour later my midwife came in and checked me.<br />
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My mom and Robert were sitting close by and I was ready for what ever they were going to say.<br />
I was fully dilated and all that other stuff. The baby was ready to be born! They said they would come back in an hour and we could push. Ten minutes later I felt this strong (very very strong) sensation to push. I told my mom to call the nurse because I did not think I could wait another forty minutes.<br />
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The nurse came in and said I was ready. One nurse got me into position to push and I started. It was funny. By this point I could feel a lot. The epidural had worn off a lot at first I thought NIGHTMARE. but then I realized that it was a great blessing. I was able to feel the contractions so I was able to push. Without that I would have had a much more difficult time. So the nurse walks away to do something right as a contractions hits. I tell Robert to go down there at my feet and help me. My mom was rubbing my head and counting with me. I pushed my little heart out sheesh pushing was the BEST. I tell you what there is nothing like it in the world. Seeing that little baby was all I wanted and after three days of crazy I WAS READY TO MEET HIM. I was pushing and pushing and Robert said he could see his head! CRAZY!! The nurse came over to us and told me to stop pushing that she needed to get the midwife and other nurses in there. So, I held my push. SO HARD. Finally the midwife came in and in about twenty minutes my baby was born!!! I could not believe it when they set that beautiful child on my chest that HE WAS MINE. OURS. I cried and cried and cried and looked at his toes his hands his lips and nose and eyes and everything. He had hair too! :) That moment is when the unconditional love sets in.<br />
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I loved my baby so much more than I thought was even possible to love something or one.<br />
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Now seeing as I am a photographer I plan on taking his pictures but life is too crazy at the moment to set up a little shoot. I have been taking pictures mind you but not the staged kind. Those will come when I am more healed.<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-82000330323484776442013-09-11T09:54:00.001-07:002013-09-11T09:54:43.269-07:0038 weeks!<img src="https://sphotos-a-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1175328_10200766278253381_263875224_n.jpg" /><br />
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So it was a little late, they say you should go on a vacation in the 2nd trimester but we have had so many things going on so its hard.<br />
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Robert graduated then studied like crazy for the MCAT. After he took the MCAT he needed to apply to Medical School and write like 15 essays. And we were moving back to Roseville to be around family while the baby is born.<br />
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So life was crazy. Robert also started his new job among all this and we had our phones hacked... UGH we have had so many bumps!<br />
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Crazy town over here and the other day I was just like "Robert we need a little vacation just something I am so tired of all this crap that keeps happening."<br />
<br />So I booked a hotel in Tahoe and we stayed there friday night. We spent all saturday there and hung out took a gondola ride and ate sushi! I have been wanting sushi soooo bad! I still can not have the GOOD raw stuff but it was enough to help my craving be satisfied. It was a really good trip and I am so glad we were able to go. I was uncomfortable most of the time but spending so much time with Robert was surely needed.<br />
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I just had a doctors appointment yesterday. I have been having HORRIBLE back pain in my lower back like achy dull pain. My mom and myself thought Back labor? but when I was checked im not thinned out and not dilating at all. I was bummed because I was going through so much pain for nothing then it seemed, but honestly this would be a not so good week to have my baby... My niece had her b-day yesterday and my sister was married on this Thursday. Also my mother in law and my mom have september birthdays so I am hoping to bypass them... we shall see! I can not really plan that one. But I would say next week would be the earliest I would want baby to come. So until baby starts making an entrance into the world I am just hanging tight and trying to keep active and busy!<br />
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I did have high blood pressure when I went to see the doctor but I explained that I ONLY have high Blood pressure when I am in lots of pain, and I was tired. She looked at my records and confirmed with me that I have never had high blood pressure in the past and that she believed I was right I was just having a bad day.<br />
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I was happy she believed me because I did not want to do more lab work! ha. She was thinking preclampsia but I had no protein or anything in my urine and no swelling so I am pretty darn sure I am just tired and in pain.<br />
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After we left my mom said if I did have preclampsia then they would have made the baby come, for a moment I wished I had it because I wanted to see my baby NOW! Does anyone else get like this?<br />
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I have had a super normal pregnancy, no complications nothing and so I feel like is everything really happening normal in there? I know stupid right? But I have so many friends who have check ups and check ups and get more info than me, but I guess its because I am not having any complications, and that is a GOOD thing I know...<br />
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Anyways... its all new to me (obviously) and I am super curious how my body is going to handle labor. Will I need to be induced? Will my water break first? will I go into labor at home and time it and then go to the hospital? Will I go too long and the doctor starts labor? Sheesh what will happen?<br />
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I should be more patient, but when you have been doing something for 9 months you kind of get burnt out! you know? and I kind of want to just have my BABY!<br />
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So anyways thats what is going on with me... my life and everything. Hoping to say hello to my little son sometime in the next 2 weeks! :)<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-7059171695241433462013-08-28T12:02:00.003-07:002013-08-28T12:02:42.863-07:00Thoughts from a pregnant lady's heartHi, I am Kayla<br />
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<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/968774_10200134956150723_323260180_n.jpg" width="396" /><br />
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I am currently 36 weeks pregnant.<br />
I quit my job last week.<br />
I moved last week.<br />
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This week I got to sleep in.<br />
This week I got to spend time with my family.<br />
This week I got to organize for my little baby who is on his way anytime now.<br />
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Life is different when you actually have time for things. Its different when you do not feel rushed to fill all the extra time you have with a to do list. It is nice to relax for once, to feel like there are so many choices with my day I just have to choose what I want to do and I get to do it. No one is over my shoulder telling me I have to do this or do that. I am in control. Let me tell you the feeling is freeing. Not working for anyone, my time is mine, my own. It is incredible.<br />
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I have spent so much time working that before I quit I was crying asking Robert if I was really going to be ok with this choice. I meant the choice to not have a job. The choice to be a full time stay at home mother. Of course I knew and do know it is what is best for my child, but like any good choice we make I feel like the adversary tries extra hard to make us doubt. Luckily I have an incredible husband and he just held me tight and said: "This is all you ever wanted it will be good so good you will love it."<br />
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I am only in day three of not working and I can say that I do love it. I love the freedom and the ability I have to choose what I get to do each day. Working full time for the last five years of marriage and of course before that I never really had a say in all my time. There was work time and play time and I had to distinguish one from the other and plan ahead.<br />
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Cleaning and organizing my little baby's things I have had so much quiet and alone time to ponder and reflect. The world seems like such a scary and horrible place. I cried for a while the other day while holding one of his soon to be shirts and thought what if he makes a million bad choices? What if he does this or does that? I sat in the rocking chair just thinking and thinking.<br />
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But then, I thought what if he makes a million good choices? What if he does this or that and makes me so extremely proud? I smiled and realized that parenthood is not going to be easy, there will be hard times and times of trial ahead, but SO IS LIFE. Life is just like that, you can not run from it or be too ready. All you can do is trust in the Lord and follow the savior.<br />
<br />
So I put that little shirt away and felt him kicking and moving inside me and I new right then and there that no matter who he is I will love him with everything in me. No matter what. It is this unconditional love thing that is incredible. I just love him, because he is going to be mine.<br />
<img src="https://sphotos-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1150811_10200635291818802_1392766412_n.jpg" /><br />
All I can do is be a great mother. Not the kind who has her whole "act together" all the time, not a "good mother" by the worlds standards because I plan out every little moment of his time with lessons of what not. I want to be a good mother one that the lord sees as a good mother.<br />
<br />
The best example to me is the mothers of the stripling warriors. They doubted not, because their mothers knew. How incredible would that be? If my son doubted not because I knew? It is incredible.<br />
<br />
I will work my hardest at being the best mother I can be. Heavenly Father chose me to be this little one's mother. I am so grateful so grateful I can bring a life into this world. I am so grateful that I am able to become a mother. I hope I can be a good mother a loving kind and gentle mother.<br />
<br />
But more than anything I want to be a mother who loves God with her whole heart. A mother who doubts not but believes a mother who teaches her children to learn to have a testimony of the same.<br />
<br />
I am not overwhelmed anymore with who my child may or may not grow to become... possibly good or bad choices he may make some day. Because I have faith all will be well. God is sending him to Robert and I because with us he has the best chance. Being with us he has all he needs to be all that God intends him to be, because God does not send us down here to fail. God knows what he is doing, and I will not fear or worry, but I will have faith and love my little guy forever and all will be well.<br />
<br />
There is just no point to worrying. It happens but I have learned to push it out. Worrying is just the opposite of helpful. It drowns out all reason and makes you feel overwhelmed and out of control.<br />
<br />
So I am going to be a stay at home mom. I am going to not miss out on a thing. I am raising this child, me. (or course Robert too). The feeling is incredible, it is all I ever wanted for my child, because it is what I got growing up. I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with my baby. So so so so blessed. I do not judge others who do differently just so you know. Some mothers can handle a job and a baby but from my life experience my job would have taken the best from me and left me with left overs to give to my baby and I think my baby deserves better. This is just me, and just how I am, I understand people are different. I also understand some mothers who would jump in a heart beat to be able to stay home full time with their baby and who can not do to finances. For them I know that with time you will receive all the desires of your heart in righteousness. For Robert and I, we had to wait till he graduated school until I could quit my job. I had to wait five years. For some that may not feel like much. But for us it felt like a whole life time. It was right for us to wait, I did not see why then but now I do.<br />
<br />
<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/999103_10200640958240459_1808271415_n.jpg" width="402" />'<br />
So, these are my thoughts my desires my hopes my fears. These are everything I have been thinking. I am excited for this next life journey God is granting to me. I know it will not be easy but I know there will be lots of Joy with what ever pain, and like always with God all things are possible and with God and faith life will be beautiful.<br />
<br />
now, if he would just get here already...<br />
<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-59575055146863465392013-08-18T15:20:00.002-07:002013-08-18T15:20:34.904-07:0035 Weeks being Prego and life currently<img height="640" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/1012486_10200640955640394_1671168114_n.jpg" width="422" /><br />
<br />
AHH!! I am sure eveyone is like this but I want him out NOW! I mean I want to meet him sooo badly! I can not wait. Although waiting is important I know he is not ready yet... 5 more weeks? ah.<br />
<br />
We had a few free hours after our birthing class and spent time with my dad and then took some pics! Robert took these with guidance from me! But he is pretty good? It took us a while... its hard to be the subject when I am normally not.<br />
<br />
here are a few!<br />
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<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1098088_10200640956640419_1355379223_n.jpg" width="437" /><br />
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<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1174992_10200640956480415_506998868_n.jpg" width="426" /><br />
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<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1175016_10200640957040429_1304577177_n.jpg" width="426" /><br />
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<img height="640" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/1175580_10200640957440439_1462753816_n.jpg" width="426" /><br />
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<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1148803_10200640957760447_2109063710_n.jpg" width="426" /><br />
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<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/999103_10200640958240459_1808271415_n.jpg" width="402" /><br />
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<img height="369" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1174542_10200640958960477_605388773_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img height="640" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1146691_10200640954240359_651994584_n.jpg" width="426" /><br />
<br />
Ya I am not really smiling in these... two reasons one: I hate my smile when I am all prego and swollen... and two: its hard to smile and hold a pose and tell the person holding the camera what to do... so forgive me...I can not do it all... ha lol<br />
<br />
Also my brother got back from his mission! We are so happy to have him home! :)<br />
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<img height="426" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1146485_10200643577985951_1271357383_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img height="426" src="https://sphotos-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/644284_10200643580786021_1854274112_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img height="426" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1004824_10200643583106079_2102102562_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img height="426" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1185545_10200643591306284_370819911_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img height="426" src="https://sphotos-b-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1185580_10200643580506014_2040766152_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Its been pretty busy few months...<br />
but fun!<br />
<br />
We are now packing up our apartment for our move! Wish me luck with Robert and I BOTH working we have only nights to pack...<br />
<br />
But this is my LAST week at work! I am thrilled! Ready to get baby's stuff together and prepare (as much as I can lol)<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-61759300067509788522013-08-13T13:14:00.000-07:002013-08-13T13:14:01.093-07:00Children are amazing<img alt="" class="article-img" height="531" src="http://www.lifesitenews.com/images/sized/images/blog/00childfreetime-400x531.jpg" width="400" /> This makes me sad.<br />
<br />
I do not have a child... Yet well, I am prego you all know...<br />
<br />
And let me tell you that being married with my husband for five years while it has its moments of ease is NOT having it all.<br />
<br />
Sure we can sleep in and go to bed when we want. We dont have to get a baby sitter. My clothes can be washed and cleaned with ease and I do not wear spit up on myself EVER. It "sounds" great. but it's not so great.<br />
<br />
Living a life where you are only focused on yourself? Where is the happiness in that? <br />
<br />
How we find true happiness is when we serve others. And what is more serving than raising children?<br />
<br />
In anycase I have obviously chosen to have children.<br />
<br />
click on this link: <a href="http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/time-magazine-asks-who-needs-kids-anyway">http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/time-magazine-asks-who-needs-kids-anyway</a><br />
<br />
she says it really well.kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-18881182132250118252013-08-05T13:16:00.002-07:002013-08-05T13:16:46.898-07:0033 weeks and a miracle :)<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="612" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/970659_10200553911544346_125716453_n.jpg" style="height: 612px; width: 612px;" width="612" /><br />
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<br />
You know the saying good things happen to those who wait? <br />
Well I hated that saying. WITH A PASSION. Untill, I discovered that it is actually correct.<br />
<br />
Who hates waiting? (raise of hands = everyone)<br />
<br />
I hate it. I am not patient. Not ever. I need to work on this. :)<br />
<br />
So here is a little story.<br />
<br />
In January this year Robert and I found out we were expecting our first child. OUR FIRST BABY!<br />
Big deal. whaooo!! (you all know this)<br />
<br />
We were thrilled! <br />
Over the moon happy about it.<br />
<br />
But the uncertainty of life happened upon me and my planner brain. I hit panic mode.<br />
<br />
My dreams of becoming a mom now somewhat realized, I had a new fear (my old fear was that I could not have a baby) My new fear was that I could not be a stay at home mother like I had always wanted and dreamed about for as long as I can remember. (long time-specific memory of playing with baby dolls thinking one day I would be a mom.)<br />
<br />
I looked at our life, Robert graduating school, studying for the MCAT trying to have him find work and inbetween all that HAVE A BABY.<br />
<br />
Sheesh. Life seemed so confusing. <br />
<br />
After Robert graduated he went right into study mode(after a week vacation of course). Now, this test the MCAT needs to take up all his time to study. It is an insaine test that demands every second and hour of his time. Seriously.<br />
<br />
So looking for a job? Unfortunatly it was on the back burner because his test was a more important detail for our families future, if I had to work I still could after the baby even though I would hate it.<br />
<br />
But, one day while I was crying and praying and trying to figure out what our plans would be, and how possibly God would make this happen for us I had this feeling. The feeling that: Kayla everything will be ok. Now, I get this feeling A LOT, because I freak out A LOT.<br />
<br />
It was the kind of peace that you feel but you do not understand it. Why do I feel calm when I know everything is NOT ok. But that is when I had to think more with my heart and not my brain. I remember the moment I was at home waiting for Robert to finish up in the Lab and I thought to myself:<br />
<br />
"OK I give up. I will not try and figure it out, I will leave it up to you. I belive that being a stay at home mom is a righteous desire. I believe that with my whole heart. So, I will have faith in you Heavenly Father, I will have faith you know whats up, and I will wait. Even though I hate waiting."<br />
<br />
I posted on Facebook my status: I hate it when I have faith but not patience.<br />
<br />
Robert came home late, as normal. He was overly excited.<br />
<br />
Turns out on his lunch break today one of his friends was saying another one of his friends just got this awesome new job so after he graduates he is set. I rolled my eyes as he tells me this, I mean really? Robert? Rub it in that he is lucky and we are not...<br />
<br />
He told me his friend that got the job was leaving a position opened in a Lab... My heart stoped. It could not be? Not that quick really? REALLY? (simmer down Kayla remember you are being patient?)<br />
<br />
He said he had to talk to him and see if he can try and recomend him for the spot.<br />
<br />
Long story short, Robert got the job. It pays enough for me to stop working. <br />
Last week we found out his pay.<br />
I put in my notice at work this morning.<br />
<br />
I can not believe myself. Why I can never have the patience to just see things through. I have no idea why I have to freak out so much. But this experiance has shown me that I am not waiting next time to tell Heavenly Father its in his hands. I am going to do that first thing.<br />
<br />
<br />
I am so happy.<br />
<br />
I am so happy.<br />
<br />
I am also a little nervous on what my new life will bring. I hope it will be all I dreamed of. (see? on to my next worry... sheesh). I hope that I will be able to be the mother I want to be, and nothing will be able to hold me back. I guess I do not do well with change. <br />
<br />
I am so excited to be a mother, but there are times when I get worried I will fail or not know what to do or something. I know these fears are normal for mothers to have. I know that being a first time mom it is all new to me, and as I said before I do not do well with new or change.<br />
<br />
But I will learn. Nothing will be more rewarding than being a mom. Nothing. And I will change, and there will be no better change than being a better me.<br />
<br />
Happy Monday!<br />
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kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-17897190045207230782013-07-21T19:38:00.001-07:002013-07-21T19:38:40.008-07:00JACKPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<img height="640" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/970618_10200473054802978_1902743542_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Today I hit the Jackpot. We are house sitting for Roberts mom and I was sad because Roberts baby/kid pictures are kinda no where to be found... and yet I was on the couch and thought I wonder if they could be in this drawer...<br />
<br />
Behold! I hit the Jackpot!!! He is soo cute right? Aww and very Asain would you even think any American in there at all? lol.<br />
<br />
<img src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1002484_10200473058443069_1976033232_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
This was in 2000 right before Freshman year for him! So cute aww!<br />
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<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/7994_10200377902824238_1272488822_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
this is me probably in 2003... ya not too good a comparison but I am not at home...<br />
<br />
then I found even awesomer pictures of baby/toddler Robert!<br />
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<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/946617_10200473065443244_369641256_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Him and his big sister in this one.<br />
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<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/1004789_10200473069563347_436513124_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
haha this one cracks me up! totally trying to be a gangsta haha or I guess he was getting into trouble? From what I hear he was a trouble maker...<br />
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<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/45451_10200473073883455_804792100_n.jpg" /><br />
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HAHA this happens I guess when your mother or father tell you to "smile" and maybe at that age you just are trying REALLY REALLY hard to smile... I love it. This is Robert, joyce and James siblings :)<br />
<br />
and then because I am growing really impatient with seeing my child I had to do a comparison.<br />
<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/74917_10200473268928331_541152544_n.jpg" /><br />
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<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1004659_10200473275528496_1057363424_n.jpg" /><br />
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<img src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1070087_10200473364650724_137817555_n.jpg" /><br />
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This was the perfect and most fun Sunday activity!<br />
<br />
We are total opposites with my blond hair blue eyes and white skin and his tan skin and brown eyes and black hair. We shall see what little baby E will look like, who he will take after and what traits seem more dominate. I am told dark features are more dominate, so Robert may dominate this time :)<br />
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<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1004810_10200461922004665_95878057_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
and the count down truly begins!! 9 weeks left!!! CRAZY!<br />
<br />
<br />
Robert takes the MCAT soon so he is studying like a mad man and I? Working just trying to make it through till maternity leave. The third trimester is pretty hard ppl. For reals HARDEST PART. When the baby kicks I mean I feel a KICK its painful sometimes. and the nausia is coming back :( also sleep? WHAT IS THAT? It takes a million years and I woke up crying this morning because I wish I could sleep on my back or my stomach I am soooo excited to be able to do that again!<br />
<br />
But I am good. Honestly really good I have a few melt downs but honestly who doesnt? Its hard work growing a baby and I am sure even hard to take care of one. but I look forward to not having so many physical discomforts when the baby comes.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Cravings:</b></div>
<br />
HOLY COW SOUR CREAM!!!<br />
I honestly want it with EVERYTHING. Its weird and Robert is kinda grossed out but what ever it even seems good right now lol.<br />
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Pickles its what they say people pickles rock when Prego.<br />
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Pizza! (the freezer kind Red Barron to be exact) Why??? I have NO idea and its horrible because after I eat it it gives me acid reflex and I NEVER seem to learn.<br />
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Salad MMMM so good and can not get enough we went to olive garden and they have the BEST Italian dressing I had like three helpings... so good<br />
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STRAWBERRIES sheesh I can not STOP with them its like I am addicted for reals.<br />
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Yogurt ok this one is strange because I HATED yogurt before I was prego LIKE FOR REALS HATED IT. Yogurt made me gag but I LOVE IT now sooooo good.<br />
<br />
and thats about it with the cravings.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I love being able to SEE the baby kicking its pretty much amazing. I really do like it, especially if I am not nauseated... lol<br />
<br />
We signed up for a birthing class at kaiser and I am kinda so so about that. Robert really wanted to do it so what evs but, I am sure there will be some cool stuff to learn and know.<br />
<br />
I kinda just don't wanna know about all the scary stuff that could go wrong cause then I will freak myself out, but everyone tells me I must be prepared so I take a class...<br />
<br />
anyways things are good and I have a count down for when baby comes and when I am on maternity leave!<br />
<br />
9 weeks for baby<br />
5 weeks for M leave!<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-89188082826517877022013-07-02T13:29:00.002-07:002013-07-02T13:29:40.408-07:0027 Weeks (last week)<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="612" src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1005883_10200333695559084_1953504596_n.jpg" style="height: 612px; width: 612px;" width="612" /><br />
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<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="612" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1014320_10200333705679337_374686210_n.jpg" style="height: 612px; width: 612px;" width="612" /><br />
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<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="612" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/9385_10200333703159274_1383846329_n.jpg" style="height: 612px; width: 612px;" width="612" /><br />
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I went camping last week. All I have to say is that camping was incredible and I hope to post real pics soon.<br />
<br />
I just thought I would update for a second incase anyone was wanting to know I am still alive and kickin... lol<br />
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<br />
Baby is kicking a TON and I loved being in the forest.<br />
<br />
the end.<br />
kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-90767592553180789232013-06-12T18:36:00.000-07:002013-06-12T18:36:25.520-07:0010 years ago<br />
So on the radio this morning while driving to work they were asking the question:<br />
<br />
<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1127_1060666670980_6984_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
"What would you tell your self ten years ago?"<br />
<br />
So for me, I am turning 24 this month so I would be talking to the 14 year old Kayla.<br />
What would I tell that 14 year old Kayla if I could help her some how hmm?<br />
<br />
I thought long and hard about it, but it really interested me, I wanted to answer.<br />
<br />
So this is my answer:<br />
<br />
Dear 14 year old Kayla,<br />
<br />
<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/653_1072863895903_7678_n.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Hey its me, or you I guess. I (you) made it. You did it. Seriously. Let me tell you it was hard, highschool while being awesome, was also a pain in the butt at times huh? I know those guys in your math class drive you crazy but that will end soon and no you never really get better at math so you should try harder. But I know your real worries: Finding real love. Just remember the story you will read in English your senior year: Pride and Prejudice. Also, you may wanna take a closer look at Robert, he is not just passing through your life. He is not just there to take you places and buy you things, he is there for you when you really need a friend. He is there when no one else is. He is there for you to cry on his shoulder, to laugh at you when you can't find anything funny. He will be your first kiss, your only love and he will marry you and make you the happiest you have ever been in your entire life. <img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/653_1072858935779_2551_n.jpg" />You won't believe me now, and you sure won't believe him when he tells you in a year but Seriously he <em>has</em> loved you as long as he has known you, and to you he will be EVERYTHING. Those deep brown eyes of his get addicting and his smile is something that you will beg to see everyday. You also wont mind those hand stands and flips he is always doing. Once you dont have that around anymore you will start to see what I mean.<br />
<br />
But honestly I'll take out the above paragraph because, there is nothing really to say to you other than be patient and keep doing what you are doing. IT WILL work out, I don't want to give away the awesome surprise to you (14 year old me) because you actually were smart enough, communicated with Heavenly Father and did it all right. Sure there were some bumps, you made mistakes but they made you who you are I know those thoughts: like you thought there was NO WAY you would end up with HIM. You thought there was no way you could find happiness and true love (we are true romantics) But in the end you some how hoped your way into what I have now. Do not do anything different Kayla. It all works out in the end just like every fairy tale you ever wanted to be real. But remember in ever one of those tales times get hard and your faith is tested. You will make it though and you, will get married and get to wear a fancy dress and look all cute. You will be married to a tall dark and handsom husband and you will have a family will live happily ever after with no end.<br />
<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/33577_1550374033358_4062545_n.jpg" /><br />
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Love, Kayla<br />
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<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/75697_1550401634048_2613268_n.jpg" />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-43681431721210070902013-05-18T20:16:00.002-07:002013-05-25T10:22:39.939-07:0022 weeks-pregnancy<img height="431" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/941522_10200134815907217_855698435_n.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Pregnancy has changed me. For the better. I honestly think it is incredible how I am able to make a baby. Honest. It blows my mind. I am different. I find that I am changing all the time. Someone said there is normal Kayla, and then there is pregnant Kayla. I asked what that means and he said, your more like a lioness. Lol.<br />
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Maybe its my motherly instinct to protect Baby E. Maybe it is the truth I want no harm to come to him. Maybe my hormones make me more bold. IDK.<br />
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I am different. I went for a walk today. It's pretty darn hot out here in Cali. My swelling body does not like that too much let me tell you. lol.<br />
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Today was one of the best Saturday's I have had in a while. I slept in. Ate an amazing breakfast with my dream man. Breakfast burritos. Pinned on Pinterest. Took a nap. Went for a walk took PICTURES for like the first time in FOREVS. (With my actual camera no phone) Edited on my new program.<br />
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It was a more lazy and relaxing day but I was not bored for one minute. That has been a hard thing for me. Feeling in the mood for certain things I once loved. Being pregnant is a wonderful thing. I can not believe how fast time has flown. It seems before I know it my little boy will be here.<br />
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Here is to hoping we figure out a name soon. Naming a baby is hard and a big deal. We will figure it out but goodness! Hard.<br />
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Hope you all have a good week. I have 18 weeks left before I meet my little guy. WOW.<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-17457693377175728412013-04-29T21:51:00.002-07:002013-04-29T21:58:55.158-07:0019 weeksToday I saw my baby.<br />
I am convinced the cutest little thing on this planet.And no surprise to me baby was moving ALL over like CRAZY! It was the coolest thing to see the baby kick and squirm.<br />
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The coolest moment?<br />
Was when I saw the baby's part. Because that is when I knew what it was.<br />
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<i> have to be honest. I was not expecting a boy. But as I lay on that table with the goop on my belly and the ultra sound machine doing its magic. I looked at that little boy part and tears came to my eyes.</i><br />
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<i>I did not care what my baby was, boy or girl it was mine. Once was Gods but now is mine. I could care less as long at that little baby was healthy.</i><br />
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<i>I always thought I would have a girl first. No real reason but the fact I know someday I will have a girl. I even went so far as to plan mentally for a girl in almost every way. When I went in this morning there was a small doubt in my mind because you see deep down I knew it would be a HIM.</i><br />
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<i>Why?</i><br />
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<i>Well last Thursday I had a dream.</i><br />
<i>Now I have lots of crazy crazy dreams being prego and all. I even had a dream about a teenage daughter talking about drama... weird.</i><br />
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<i>But I only have had one infant dream. it was crazy interesting and cool.</i><br />
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<i>I was taking my baby about a month old or so on a walk outside. Turns out this mommy did not put sunscreen on her baby, and did not put up the visor thing.</i><br />
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<i>I came home crying because my baby was in pain. I came home and Robert was comforting me, the baby was fine just a red head and face :( but I was also sad because the baby inherited my skin :( not roberts. I looked at that little baby boy and was so sad. So sad that little boy was in pain. and at the end of my dream all I wanted to do was to hold that baby and make all the pain go away. I woke up and I just wanted that baby boy.<u> I wanted him.</u></i><br />
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<i>So after that dream I felt a little empty about a girl. I was confused but empty cause I wanted a boy then and I "knew" it would be a girl.</i><br />
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<i>But today it would seem my dream came true. I got a boy. Not at all what I expected not at all what we thought but it was an incredible and wonderful surprise. </i><br />
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<i>I want to hold that little boy so bad. and no worries when I really take him out ill be sure to protect him from all dangers, even the sun.</i><br />
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<i>Robert and I could not be happier. We love that boy with all our hearts. Always have always will. I AM SO excited to be a mother. It's so incredible that I get the wonderful blessing of being able to grow a baby inside me and that I will be able to raise this baby. More even wonderful that God chose ME to be his mother, no one else. I was chosen for the job. I will not ever have a more important, or more beautiful work to do. It is uniquely mine. I thank God for this incredible blessing. I thank God that he gave me this baby boy.</i><br />
<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-2496003343335767372013-04-21T15:19:00.002-07:002013-04-21T15:19:20.230-07:0018 weeks!/weird pic<img src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/163582_4924155015774_515684254_n.jpg" /><br />
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ha ok so this pic? well lets just say Rob took a million years and right before this one I was all: "COME ON HONEY I AM TIRED OF STANDING HERE" lol so hence the weird face. But pretty good belly shot?<br />
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(I need to stop using my phone!! Its just so easy though!)<br />
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here are my likes and dislikes at this point:<br />
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Likes/loves:<br />
-I love love love feeling baby E! It feels as if theres like a goldfish inside me or something but its the coolest thing EVER! It took me a while to realize that was the baby, but I love just laying down after a meal and waiting for the swimmer! Robert gets a little sad cause he wants to feel it too! But soon enough he will!<br />
-Its kinda fun dressing this tiny bump! Its like still "Is she fat or prego??" But I don't care its fun! I find myself just standing or sitting there holding my belly smiling cause its so crazy and awesome to think there is a living thing in there!<br />
-I love love love love love love love hearing the baby's heart beat! It's super fast so crazy and insane at the same time. I do not know if many mothers feel this way but I still forget I am pregnant sometimes, and Its nice to have my checkups to assure me that YEUP baby E is alive and well!<br />
-Its so fun to talk about baby names aww I love it. I think we finally have a boy name and a girl name picked out!<br />
-I love looking at baby clothes (always have) but not knowing the gender I walk around the girl section and the boy section and think about what they would wear. My kids will have style. Lol.<br />
-I love having a little more energy it gradually happened but I love it.<br />
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Dislikes:<br />
-Its hard to sleep. :( Sadness. Its so hard I am sleeping on my side and I have always been a belly sleeper. My shoulders are aching and I think its because I am not turning in the night often enough so each shoulder gets pain. This gives me headaches :(<br />
-Its crazy weird parking. I have to think about how close I park to another care. I can not squeeze my way through anymore.<br />
-I take naps all the time. Crazy<br />
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Not so many dislikes I am improving! I know making a baby is hard work and not always easy. So its good I can not really complain I am feeling wonderful in comparison to the 1st trimester. Even so great I kinda get scared somethings wrong because I feel normal, or I just plain forget I am prego until my belly gets in the way of something. lol<br />
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Food:<br />
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I AM IN LOVE WITH Salads! O my goodness! heaven! We have this amazing Asian dressing we got at an asian store I am eating it right now and I kid you not HEAVEN. So salad=BFF<br />
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I am also loving Strawberry's we got some from the farmers market yesterday and I ate them all (oops) ha.<br />
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I have always loved cream cheese but before now could not stomach it. But lately that creamy goodness I eat everyday with a bagel.YUM.<br />
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Still no grease! Ew.<br />
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No weird cravings really. I try to eat bland things like rice and baked potatoes when my stomach feels a little not so happy on occasion. I can always eat rice or a potato so thats good.<br />
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I think thats about it. Robert told me today he could not believe we were halfway there! I forgot that point and got all excited. WAHOO lol. Next week we find out the gender of said little one.<br />
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What do you think we are having?<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-69019699354406785982013-04-13T18:54:00.001-07:002013-04-13T18:54:40.402-07:00The real 16 weeks pic<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/9962_4878862003477_483763002_n.jpg" width="480" /><br />
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At 16 weeks I am loving the no morning sickness deal. Although I get so full I can barely finish a meal lol! Baby must be taking up a lot of space. I seem to be showing more than others do at 16 weeks but the Doc said every body is different and we never know how we will show, she also said each child can be different so we shall see!<br />
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Right now for cravings? I want salad ALL THE TIME> I am finally craving the healthy stuff! I tried all last trimester to eat salads and stuff but this baby did not want it. Now anything un-healthy or greasy makes me squirm. lol. So I am grateful we like across the street from trader Joes because they have the best pre-made salad bowls and I have eaten two this weekend. :) I am also THIRSTY like CRAZY at work Friday I had so much water I felt like I have to pee every ten minutes lol.<br />
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I feel like I am finally getting comfortable with this little belly of mine growing. I finally bought some real maternity stuff and WOW so amazing! Now I can not go back!<br />
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I get to find out on the 29th what I am having! I am so excited! I hope baby E will let us see!<br />
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I am real happy lately. It's been nice that Robert has less stressful classes this semester. He really is my superman. I mean even last semester he was but I feel like he has more time now. Anyways he has been getting up with me in the mornings before I head to work. I feel like my days are better when I get to have some human interaction. Also I am not a morning person so its nice to see him. He made me breakfast all this week. He is so sweet.<br />
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I know he cares about me and the baby. It is hard sometimes because all this is happening to me, my body, not him so when he is there for me it is so nice I feel like I am not in this alone, and that at least he wants to help me and cares. I do not know what I would do without him!<br />
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Sorry my posts are so lame. I have been lazy cause I have been so tired. Some time I will add more pics.<br />
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this is a mug a coffee cup of course I do not use it for coffee. But its a camera lens! how cool is that? There have been pics of it floating around FB and all and randomly I show up at home with one! Robby got it for me. Super awesome!<br />
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hope you all have a wonderful week!kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-69531077094291701012013-04-07T11:41:00.001-07:002013-04-07T11:41:40.395-07:0016 weeks<img height="640" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/72711_4832326880128_1515599582_n.jpg" width="480" /><br />
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Sorry this pic is from my phone. But hey! I am growing and by me I mean my baby. This is me at 15 weeks, although right now I am actually at 16 weeks.<br />
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Just thought I was due for an update.<br />
<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-29674166696566722422013-03-22T13:17:00.002-07:002013-03-22T13:17:39.561-07:00The man I chose<img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="604" src="https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/2360_1090591059071_1917_n.jpg" style="height: 604px; width: 453px;" width="453" /><br />
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Hey there peps. Maybe its cause of this little one growing inside me? But I have been thinking a whole lot about the Mr. That I chose to be with for forever.<br />
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Maybe its becoming a mom that I see him in a new/different light. Maybe when the babe is actually here I will feel all these new things for him too. But, right I know right now is that the man I chose to spend eternity with is my best friend. <br />
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It's super incredible how things end up working out. If you knew me in High School then you may have been surprised to find out I married Robert Eshbaugh. Possibly you knew me better than I did and were not surprised. I D K. But what I do know is the boy I met when I was a Freshman turned out to be my exact perfect match. <br />
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I hated him. Well I say hate but it was an actually real strong dislike. (Robert hates it when I say I hated him, dont blame him) But in truth the first time I met him and anyone else who has seen him can say he is very attractive. Or so at least I thought.<br />
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I am not going to repeat our story its so long. But all I want to say is that I thought Robert was sooooo WRONG for me. This experiance of Love vs Hate taught me many things but mostly that who I think is right for me is not who God knows is right for me.<br />
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After time I of course realized how incredble the man really was and wanted him only him.<br />
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Being married for almost five years this July has taught me soo many things about love. It has taught me that you can love someone so deeply its insaine. You can always forgive. That fighting is just a part of life and that it comes less often when you think about the other person first. I have learned that there is no other person on this planet that could fill the space Robert fills in my life and in my heart.<br />
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When God told me Robert was the one like always he was right. I am so glad I listened, that I grew up, that I realized the amazing thing I had in my life. That my real best friend my whole High School life was really Robert the whole time. It was like I pulled a blind fold off my eyes and was like: DUH HE IS AMAZING HOW DID I NOT SEE IT?<br />
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So Robert. He is my husband. Has been for like I said, almost five years now. I can not describe in words how breathless it makes me to think of that boy going to wrestling practice, beat boxing in the car, taking me to dances, driving me around, buying me clothes, listening to Michael Jackson with me is going to be a Father. A dad. And not just any Father, or Dad, the Father and Dad of MY baby, of ours.<br />
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Its probably being Prego that has all these feelings swooshing around inside me I know, but its still how I feel about him. I am so proud of him, so happy he is mine. For Eternity.<br />
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I am so happy I started my Forever with him. BEST CHOICE/DAY EVER.<br />
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kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-48336015228901266092013-03-21T19:41:00.002-07:002013-03-21T19:41:19.482-07:00boy/girl<img src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/481064_487627314627337_256318652_n.jpg" /><br />
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It is no surprise what the theme for my kids rooms will be. If I have a boy I am going to put up all my family crests on his walls. I am going to place a temple in the center and this quote on it:<br />
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"I am the son of a King, and the defender of my fathers throne. I will live with honor and faith"<br />
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If I have a girl her walls will have a picture of the temple. The three dresses poem and a quote:<br />
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"I am a daughter of God, heir to my fathers throne, I will stand for truth and virtue. I was not sent here to fail, but to succeed. "<br />
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The whole thing I want my children to understand and ingrain into their heads is who they are, and how important they are.<br />
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for me growing up with these things really helped me be who I am today. It helped me stay away from so many things that would hurt me and to be strong even when my friends may not have always followed the standards of the gospel.<br />
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I want my little girls to know they are SOOO special and important and that being a women is not less than being a man, but that embracing the women-hood that is so divine is important. I want my girls to know that they should be proud of who they are, and their special role to plan in Heavenly Fathers plan. A lot of the people in this world think a stay at home mom, or a mom devoted to her children is sexist or not their full potential. I know the world is wrong. I have no fear and no shame in sharing with the world that I could care less what it thinks and that being a wife, mother and a women is incredible.<br />
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I want my little boys to know they are sooo important. I want them to know they are boys and men and should embrace their roles. I think it is important to instill in all children a sense of honor and duty. I think that remembering they are bearers of their fathers name, and should be proud to be an Eshbaugh and remember what it means, what our family stands for. I want my boys to grow into strong men, who understand how important it is to respect women and to treat them right. I want them to be gentlemen and to one day make some women's happily ever after come true, just like their father did for me. I want my men to be the bread winners, I want them to understand they should love and take care and provide for their families, support their wives and never belittle them, but to honor women-hood.<br />
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I really want to help my children do so many things but these two things for boys and girls I keep thinking about and I guess it must be important. LOL I can not get it off my mind how much I want my children to love who they come from and who they can be and are. I want them not be afraid of their gender, like so many people are in the world. I hate all the news about sex changes and people having issues with that, and then the whole same sex attraction. I know my children will have to hear even more than this by the time they are teenagers, so I just want them to be grounded, have a solid foundation for WHO THEY ARE.<br />
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So boy or Girl?<br />
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I will be ready.kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-30949039783800453772013-03-13T18:19:00.001-07:002013-03-13T18:19:26.318-07:00BoredI AM SO BORED.<br />
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With having a cold and morning sickness and stuff like that I have really been missing alot out of life. It makes me sooo bored of watching movies and reading and sleeping. I AM SO BORED. lol I came home today and sat by the open window on the couch and began to look through some pics on my computer. Can you believe I have not taken pics sense finding out I was prego? Weird. And sooo not like me, but I am planning on this weekend to fix that. My house also, where have I been? Its a mess, and actually I mean its fairly clean but its Robert clean, and that means things are swept and put away but IN THE WRONG PLACES. and I still have a Christmas Wreath up! A CHRISTMAS wreath! ha. It would seem I kinda put my life on hold for a few months. Well, happy to say my cold is saying goodbye and my morning sickness is slowly (slowly) fading out. Looks like I might be given a break! few. Well this weekend looks like spring cleaning mixed with a nature walk so I can get some pics I have been itchin for. and maybe someday I will get around to posting picks of my not so big belly. Honestly I have taken NONE. but that is because I have not gotten anything. I heard that is normal that you can not show till way later. But anyways I am excited to be back in apart of life and to be feeling well again. Wow sometimes I felt like I would never feel normal again.kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-61797569048732672552013-03-12T18:48:00.005-07:002013-03-13T18:24:34.971-07:00LoveThey say that you can love someone at first sight. But what I know is that you can love someone before that. I loved my little baby the moment I took that pregnancy test. I loved my baby in elementary school when I would play with dolls and try and think of it as mine. I love my baby in Highschool when I said I would wait till marriage to have sex. I loved my baby on July 25,2008 when I created an eternal family. I also said I loved my baby so much I picked a man to be my husband that would be an AMAZING father.<br />
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I loved my baby so much that I worked real hard to put this baby's dad through school for the past 5 years. I loved my baby so much that I wrote my baby letters even before my baby was even created. I loved my baby so much that I knew God's timing was everything. I loved my baby so much that I made sure I was healthy.<br />
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I still love my baby so much. I believe that happiness is found in doing what is right. Sure tough times come and all that but its incredible to look back and see the path that has been being paved for you. I always had my little one on my mind.<br />
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So love at first sight? Nah I believe in love at first thought.<br />
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Dear baby E:<br />
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From the moment I thought about you till now I have always loved you. I am so grateful that I have been given the privileged of motherhood. I am so grateful you exist, and always have. I am so grateful that you get to come down to earth and get a body. Don't worry too much I will help you find your way. you are so special and there are so many things your heavenly father has in store for you. but you have already been so blessed because you have been given to parents who try their best and love God. You are being put in a family who sticks together, who works hard and are honest. You are incredible and we are excited to see what talents God will give you and what talents you will learn. We are excited to know the you, that you are. We will always be there for you we will always love you. So I will change your diapers feed you while you cant, will teach you to walk and talk and eventually go to the bathroom on your own. I will play games with you and explain to you about who you are. You will grow and learn so many things about this world. You will go to school someday you will not think Dad and I are too cool. But we still will love you. We will give you advice as you date teach you how you should behave. We will be there as you get your heart broken and as you find the right one to share your life with. We will be there when you get married in the Temple watch you raise children of your own. Then, you will understand what I feel right now, you will see someday the kind of love I have always felt for you, when you find out you are going to have a baby. When you meet that little one for the first time. Just remember I believe in love at first thought. I loved you the first time I thought about someday having a child and that was a long long time ago. You see darling, I will always always love you, I always have.<br />
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Love,<br />
Mommakayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4722074358937992798.post-29133512955707122392013-02-24T16:37:00.000-08:002013-02-24T16:37:43.571-08:00this is long...Wow.<br />
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There are like a million things running through my head right now. This week was different. It started off with Monday off work and Tuesday leaving work early to get a peek at baby E. The week ended in pain and Friday home.<br />
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Everything on Tuesday with baby was wonderful baby is healthy and I could not ask for more. But on Friday morning I had such severe Abdominal pressure and pain I could not get out of bed or barely move. I could not go to work of course like that there is no way. I called in and slept trying to calm myself that everything would be ok. I called the doctor and he informed me that sometimes with pregnancy your intestines can become swollen and cause that horrible heavy pain. He said as long as those were my only symptoms that I should be ok and to do nothing but rest and call Monday if I am not feeling better or if anything changes.<br />
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I sat there on the couch and held a hand to my stomach. The doctor said though still so small my baby is still pushing on my insides and that causes the swelling. I was relived that it was nothing else but my discomfort and pain, grateful that my baby is ok.<br />
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I feel like I have wanted to be a mother, be pregnant for so long. Now that it is finally my turn I am grateful that my Heavenly Father waited till now. Not that my pregnancy has been the worst of all times, but it has for sure been a struggle. I remember looking at the pictures of mommies to be on blogs and facebook with their cute bellys and smiles and I thought wow it must be incredible to be pregnant.<br />
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It is incredible to be pregnant it is incredible that life lives inside of me, crazy to think there are two hearts beating inside of me now instead of just one. Its awesome to see the ultrasounds and I cry just picturing my little baby in my arms.<br />
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The best things in life are worth waiting for. The best things in life are also the things that challenge you the most.<br />
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It is hard to not be in total control of what is going on with my body. Its hard to explain the protectiveness I feel already for my unborn child.<br />
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Ive been on bed rest for three days, not that long for most people. It's hard when I thought it would be one way but its the other.<br />
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Pregnancy is tough hard work. Feeling sick and tired all day long sucks, having this pain is horrible. Trying not to stress so I will not have high blood pressure is hard too.<br />
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And sometimes I break down and cry to my husband and try to explain how incredibly happy I am and incredibly tired and sick. Its in those moments that I realize that even though its hard and even though its stressful and painful and all the above, it is mostly wonderful and exciting and thrilling.<br />
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so ya being pregnant for me is rather hard. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I work full time and commute. It probably is due to the fact that Robert is often at school or studying and life is not really average or normal around here, it never really was. And in my head I always thought I knew how it should be. I never dreamed years ago I would be living an hour from my family and work and Robert would be gone so much. But hey this is the cool thing, God did. He knew what my little picture in my head was. He knew I thought I would be married 19 and pregnant at 20. He knew I thought somehow I would not be working while pregnant. He knew I thought Robert would be home everyday for dinner and we would have it together and our nights would be our own. That is what I pictured so many years ago. Here is what God knew would happen:<br />
Robert would be in school ALL THE TIME. He will barely have time to see me for an hour or two a day. We would be stressed for time and stretched so thin. I would have to be alone a lot. I would be working full time and commuting while pregnant and very sick and it would be hard.<br />
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So what did he do to help me? He gave me almost five years of this. He wanted me to understand my life was not what I pictured it. He wanted to get rid of what I thought would happen.<br />
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My life, our story is not at all what I planned. And although at first that was scary it is what I now want. I do not want what I think is good for me, I want what he knows is good for me.<br />
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But being pregnant is also happy to see my husbands eyes when he looks at our baby. His smile when we talk about names. his shoulder when he lets me cry on it. his arms when he holds me when he gets home. Its in the way he has cleaned our house many times, did the dishes, went shopping, got be poweraide because It is the only drink that makes me not feel nauseated. Its him renting me a movie because I am cooped up inside. Its me saying pizza sounds good and him leaving to get it without telling me. Its him getting me Orange Juice SOOO many times. Its him making me a bagel this morning before church even though he was running late. It's in him. I honestly do not know how some women do it alone. I do not even have my baby yet but how much I need my husband. He is better than me in so many ways and I am so grateful so grateful that he brings me such joy and reminds me of who I am. Even though our life is crazy and we do not spend so much time together, we make the most of the time we do have because of it. We do more things for each other selflessly and we understand how important the other is.<br />
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So I guess in the end sorry this is so long and if you read this your pretty awesome, but I am happy and I know all will be well. Even though even harder times may be ahead I know I am where I am suppose to be. I could not ask for anything more comforting than that.<br />
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I am now 10 weeks. God has blessed me so much.<br />
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<br />kayla http://www.blogger.com/profile/04038501588133528796noreply@blogger.com1