this is long...

Wow.

There are like a million things running through my head right now. This week was different. It started off with Monday off work and Tuesday leaving work early to get a peek at baby E. The week ended in pain and Friday home.

Everything on Tuesday with baby was wonderful baby is healthy and I could not ask for more. But on Friday morning I had such severe Abdominal pressure and pain I could not get out of bed or barely move. I could not go to work of course like that there is no way. I called in and slept trying to calm myself that everything would be ok. I called the doctor and he informed me that sometimes with pregnancy your intestines can become swollen and cause that horrible heavy pain. He said as long as those were my only symptoms that I should be ok and to do nothing but rest and call Monday if I am not feeling better or if anything changes.

I sat there on the couch and held a hand to my stomach. The doctor said though still so small my baby is still pushing on my insides and that causes the swelling. I was relived that it was nothing else but my discomfort and pain, grateful that my baby is ok.

I feel like I have wanted to be a mother, be pregnant for so long. Now that it is finally my turn I am grateful that my Heavenly Father waited till now. Not that my pregnancy has been the worst of all times, but it has for sure been a struggle. I remember looking at the pictures of mommies to be on blogs and facebook with their cute bellys and smiles and I thought wow it must be incredible to be pregnant.

It is incredible to be pregnant it is incredible that life lives inside of me, crazy to think there are two hearts beating inside of me now instead of just one. Its awesome to see the ultrasounds and I cry just picturing my little baby in my arms.

The best things in life are worth waiting for. The best things in life are also the things that challenge you the most.

It is hard to not be in total control of what is going on with my body. Its hard to explain the protectiveness I feel already for my unborn child.

Ive been on bed rest for three days, not that long for most people. It's hard when I thought it would be one way but its the other.

Pregnancy is tough hard work. Feeling sick and tired all day long sucks, having this pain is horrible. Trying not to stress so I will not have high blood pressure is hard too.

And sometimes I break down and cry to my husband and try to explain how incredibly happy I am and incredibly tired and sick. Its in those moments that I realize that even though its hard and even though its stressful and painful and all the above, it is mostly wonderful and exciting and thrilling.


so ya being pregnant for me is rather hard. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I work full time and commute. It probably is due to the fact that Robert is often at school or studying and life is not really average or normal around here, it never really was. And in my head I always thought I knew how it should be. I never dreamed years ago I would be living an hour from my family and work and Robert would be gone so much. But hey this is the cool thing, God did. He knew what my little picture in my head was. He knew I thought I would be married 19 and pregnant at 20. He knew I thought somehow I would not be working while pregnant. He knew I thought Robert would be home everyday for dinner and we would have it together and our nights would be our own. That is what I pictured so many years ago. Here is what God knew would happen:
Robert would be in school ALL THE TIME. He will barely have time to see me for an hour or two a day. We would be stressed for time and stretched so thin. I would have to be alone a lot. I would be working full time and commuting while pregnant and very sick and it would be hard.

So what did he do to help me? He gave me almost five years of this. He wanted me to understand my life was not what I pictured it. He wanted to get rid of what I thought would happen.

My life, our story is not at all what I planned. And although at first that was scary it is what I now want. I do not want what I think is good for me, I want what he knows is good for me.

But being pregnant is also happy to see my husbands eyes when he looks at our baby. His smile when we talk about names. his shoulder when he lets me cry on it. his arms when he holds me when he gets home. Its in the way he has cleaned our house many times, did the dishes, went shopping, got be poweraide because It is the only drink that makes me not feel nauseated. Its him renting me a movie because I am cooped up inside. Its me saying pizza sounds good and him leaving to get it without telling me. Its him getting me Orange Juice SOOO many times. Its him making me a bagel this morning before church even though he was running late. It's in him. I honestly do not know how some women do it alone. I do not even have my baby yet but how much I need my husband. He is better than me in so many ways and I am so grateful so grateful that he brings me such joy and reminds me of who I am. Even though our life is crazy and we do not spend so much time together, we make the most of the time we do have because of it. We do more things for each other selflessly and we understand how important the other is.

So I guess in the end sorry this is so long and if you read this your pretty awesome, but I am happy and I know all will be well. Even though even harder times may be ahead I know I am where I am suppose to be. I could not ask for anything more comforting than that.

I am now 10 weeks. God has blessed me so much.

Little Baby E update

Hey guys! This week was CRAZY! wow. It started of monday with a scare for my little baby.

I was at work and have been having HORRIBLE morning sickness when I get these sharp abdominal pains. SCARED. Good thing I work in a Doctors office. They said I should be checked out ASAP.

So I went with my mom (dont wanna go alone!) to the doctors and got to see my little baby for the first time!
That moment when I saw the little heart beating so fast I just started to tear up. I could not belive it was even real! I am really growin a baby inside me!! crazy! Baby E seems very photogenic as the doctor got a perfect pic of our little jelly bean:



He/She is like perfectly centered and front and center head and little arms! Can you see it! Such an awesome picture! We were sad that it was such a scare so Robert could not come. Turns out that the pains were caused by stress and I had really high blood pressure. Doc said thats normal when you feel like crap (understatement) I laughed and cried and we figured out how to help me. I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE morning sickness that lasts ALL DAY. and when you dive an hour to work mon-fri and work 8hrs its hard. I am often found sleeping in my car on my lunch break lol.

So this baby is kickin' my butt but oh well its all worth it.

So far I hate chicken just thinking about it grosses me out. I eat blan things now cause I get bad heart burn so basically my diet is plain rice potatos and some salad with tiny bit of dressing oh and I also LOVE toast wow yum... basically I am trying to eat a more balanced diet but its hard when everything smells and sounds like garbage. Robert made this awesome food and I had to lock myself in the bedroom for like 3 hours becuase I HATE the smell of Garlic.

I have yet to make it through a WHOLE day of church perfumes really get to me :(

Other than that I feel great! lol

We go in to see the baby on Tuesday this time Robert will be there! Pregnancy is awesome, but lots of work... I took a four hour nap today and am still tired. Seems all I do is work sleep and eat lol.

I am so excited for baby E to be here!

What my Facebook peps saw...

For me it's so hard to keep a secret about myself  when its something as important as this, I could not wait any longer.

We found out on Wednesday two weeks ago. I, all week long felt weird and nauseated and kinda felt like I was prego but pushed that thought away just in case I was not.

Well I got home and I just felt good happy even, other than nausea I was doing well. I just wanted to know if I was or not because I was just sick of not knowing, SO I told Robert I was gonna take a test.

I stood there in the bathroom and stared at the test confused and happy all at the same time. I was looking at the paper and sure enough the plus meant I was with Child. That moment it felt so surreal like it was not real. I was so happy I could not even move. I could not even fathom that being truth. So I stood there and then decided to tell Robert what I thought was a positive test.

It was crazy and wonderful I also had that thought like :

"Oh no, can I really do this?" and then 

I thought well heck yes!

and even though I am about only 7 weeks along I still could not wait to tell everyone and their mom. We waited till FRIDAY to tell my parents. FRIDAY! I thought I would DIE. 

We went out to dinner with my parents and I wrote on a card:

"We are having a BABY!" 

we had them open the card at the same time and my dad jumped from his chair ecstatic and my mom smiled and was so happy.

Everyone in the restaurant was looking at the scene and the waitress wrote CONGRATS 

on our check. 

We then went to my siblings homes and told them the same

and Roberts mom

and called his sister and the rest of the week tried to get a hold of the rest of his family

We wanted to tell everyone in person but I did not want to wait to post. I was having a really hard time.

SO finally last week I posted on Facebook and on here and I am so happy.

so far like I said I am about 7 weeks and have my first look at baby E on the 19th! :) we wont be able to see much but its cool at least to see something!

At this point it does not feel real yet. Like i keep telling Robert I just feel sick that's it. I do not know if most pregnant people feel like this or not but its like i feel like until I get a little belly or something then it will finally hit me.

In any case I am so excited and we just feel so loved by all who are so excited for us! 

We could not be happier.

I have been craving bean burritos and Chicken nuggets and even Orange chicken..

protein! lol

So far I can not eat cilantro and chicken on the bone or any fancy dressings

I can not even stomach ranch.

I am loving Mexican food 

hating anything with noodles

and gum and I are BFF's

Its all knew and different but I kinda am glad I have these symptoms because they remind me of little baby E who is growin inside me :)

The moment you realize the only kind of plus sign that matters

is when its on this:

I have been dying to tell you.

 Am I forgiven for my lack of posts now?

Good.

 cause baby growin' is HARD work and 

I am new at it.




I can not express in words how utterly incredible it was to actually see a + on that test. It's like I could not believe it, how could I have such happiness??? 
It was as if nothing else in the world mattered at that moment because I was on cloud 9. I was in shock the kind that makes you not believe something is real.
I walked into the kitchen
and looked at robert and said:
"Robert? I think this test is positive." He looked up as soon as I said it and smiled.
"What?!" I nodded and handed him the test.
"That means I am pregnant right?" I said pointing to the little + He walked into the bathroom and took out the cheat sheet and smiled.
"YES YOU ARE!" he pulled me into a hug and I started crying. I cried and cried. I could not believe it.
and then like any other important event we took pictures.

I can just honestly say that I am so so so happy.  
All these years of waiting and now its here.
I can not remove the smile from my face, well that is I can not until a little morning sickness gets the better of me.

Hope you are all well and happy 
I am. I am. I am.      
:)
  

Goodbye 2012. Hello 2013!!!!!!!!

Hey hey! I still have a cold and under the weather and all but I just have to say that so far 2013 is pretty awesome! Robert and I are setting some AWESOME resolutions and goals and this year he graduates! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? neither can I! it happens so fast! seriously the older that I get I feel like the faster time flys! ah well. Its exciting I am looking forward to a new chapter in our lives!

I will probably do a better post later about all my goals but for right now I have been thinking about one that kind of got put on the back burner... and 2012 in review.

MY BOOK! I finished it this year! I am so proud of that its been on my new years resolutions list for some time (like 8years)
 
 I have been working on my second one and having the first one edited. But it has to go through so many polishing drafts so it will take time. Of course I was shooting for 2012 (end) to get it published but I got sooooooo busy with my photography jobs that I had to put that book of mine aside :( well this year I am trying to make it more of a priority to finish that baby up! I want to get it published! I want to FINALLY be a published author! AWESOME. Anyways... That being said I have a ton of work to do! SO EXCITED. It will be hard and WAY overwhelming at times but its a DREAM of mine and I want to do it! Plus I want ppl to read it already and tell me what they think! DUH. lol But the good news is that I finished it.  It sounds real stupid but it was hard to finish that book. Not for lack of time (although that did not help) but mostly because I did not want the story to end. I am a reader A BIG reader and I know how it is when you get to the end of the book you feel the end is near and you want to stop it from happening because you want to know what is next and what ever. But I happily got over that hump and finished. That was a big deal and something quit honestly I did not think I could ever do. I mean come on ppl I do not even know the whole outcome yet and I am the writer. Sure I have TONS of ideas but its like when you read those Goosbumps books in like elementary school you know the ones that let you pick if you want the character to open the door or not, or go down the hallway to certain doom? Am I the only one who knows what I am talking about? anyways click here if your confused. Anyways so that was one of my favorite moments in 2012 I finished!


I got my business up to new levels. Honesly this year was a year of firsts. I did three weddings! My first ceremony and first reception and first temple pictures. It was incredible. I also got a lot more business this year and that helped us out a ton when we did not have scholarship money coming in during the summer, and with Rob not having a job it defiantly was a blessing. He did pick up some awesome work too for his friends business but still awesome I got so many jobs. Also new equipment. That rocks.

This is the first time we have lived in an apartment for two Christmases in a row. Thats pretty cool.

This was the year we had our 4 yr anniversary!

I read over one hundred books. (thank you Nook)

I got a raise at work!

Got to go to some awesome vacations with my husband, LA and theme parks. Road trips rock!
 
Got to go back to my highschool for a homecoming game with VIP seating (it pays to have your father be a teacher at your HS GO BIG BLUE!) that was so much fun.

Dressing up as captain hook for Halloween

Totally rocking out at the V-Day dance 2012 was epic.

man there are like too many things that happened and I am done listing them. Ha. I get bored easy.
 
In any case 2012 was a great year I also will remember the day I survived the end of the world as well... big achievement for me. 

Ha

Anyways to all you :



Sorry about all the Husband pics... I kinda think he is hot... So I take lots of pics of him....

WEIRD.

:)

Our Christmas

We went to my parents house for Christmas Eve dinner.



It was awesome.






Come on you know you used to do this! Olives on your fingers? AWESOME. Love this kid.


Then we opened gifts... PJ's

He got cool Batman pj's



Christmas! Santa came :)





Then... We had friends come into town this weekend! We have not seen them or their kids in over a year!






They had a lot of fun jumping on the bed...











so cute!













Basically Christmas was horrible. Everything you do not want it to be it was. We should have never left our house, but I guess I should try and post on the positive side. We saw a movie and got to talk to my brother who is on a mission! That was cool. Hope you all had a Merry Christmas, regardless of how horrible it seemed the true meaning of Christmas is still our savior Jesus Christ, and the fact he was born, so even though stuff did not work out so well, its all good we have next year. But I am so grateful for Christmas and for the miracle of Christ's birth. And for awesome friends who came to see us! SO MUCH FUN!

:)

Warning PICTURE OVERLOAD. My Christmas Break... day 1

Hey all so I wanted to get some stuff posted before I go MIA. Plus I took like a 4 hour nap and work up at 8pm and then now cant sleep...

So last Sunday I was bored out of my MIND.

You know those times when NOTHING sounds appealing and you actually have TIME? Ya well for me I read scriptures and tried to do something online but I COULD NOT. I went for a walk came home and baked. (I do not often ever do this)

\

First cause I needed my strength I made dinner. Miso soup Rice and Kung Pow chicken.







Miso soup is like my favorite soup on the planet. So its no wonder we stocked up last month like crazy.



plus its like uber good for you. That always helps a situation.




Then I was bored again while I was waiting for the muffins and cookies and biscuits to cook....
Ya... a cooking overload.

It was raining, one of my FAVORITE THINGS. so I ventured to go outside.

Obviously I did not make it that far... Its been SOOO COLD this week. FREEZING. I could not get myself to get further than this above: My door step.








Robert and I have made some new goals and that is awesome. He has his Christmas break before the semester starts up again and we noticed that we need to spend more quality time together. So we made a plan (more about that later) So for FHE this week it was Robert who got to pick what we did.

We drew Characters of each other. Although I kinda look like an old lady or something, he is good right? LOVE him.

I am not too good at cartoons, I am an impressionistic artist. And that means I am not realistic. Google impressionistic and you will find out more. Anyways This is mine:



Ha. I love my little Narnia loving fighting ninja.



We were really excited because Robert found out one of the people he helped teach on his mission who him and his companion Baptized moved to California two weeks ago!


He actually got baptized waited a year and then served a mission while Robert was on his! Now he is happily married in the temple with his awesome wife and they have a little baby girl!





It was really great to talk with them and get to know them better. For those of you who do not know,

Robert served in Russia and Kazakhstan. This friend is from Kazakhstan.
They wanted to see UC Davis and its campus so we went on a walk. It was a blast!


The Lab where Robby works.


















 



























 







Cork tree literally a tree from which corks are made... crazy.









'









'








I had a lot of fun, but I could tell how extremely excited Robert was to see his old friend again. Its incredible to see him so excited and happy. He could not stop speaking Russian it seems. He really loved his mission.


SO that was my first day of Christmas break. It was lots of fun. Now I really hope to NOT post again before Christmas. We plan to go to the snow all day tomorrow and I am so excited! See ya all soon!

oh and....