The man I chose

Hey there peps. Maybe its cause of this little one growing inside me? But I have been thinking a whole lot about the Mr. That I chose to be with for forever.

Maybe its becoming a mom that I see him in a new/different light. Maybe when the babe is actually here I will feel all these new things for him too. But, right I know right now is that the man I chose to spend eternity with is my best friend.

It's super incredible how things end up working out. If you knew me in High School then you may have been surprised to find out I married Robert Eshbaugh. Possibly you knew me better than I did and were not surprised. I D K. But what I do know is the boy I met when I was a Freshman turned out to be my exact perfect match.

I hated him. Well I say hate but it was an actually real strong dislike. (Robert hates it when I say I hated him, dont blame him) But in truth the first time I met him and anyone else who has seen him can say he is very attractive. Or so at least I thought.

I am not going to repeat our story its so long. But all I want to say is that I thought Robert was sooooo WRONG for me. This experiance of Love vs Hate taught me many things but mostly that who I think is right for me is not who God knows is right for me.

After time I of course realized how incredble the man really was and wanted him only him.

Being married for almost five years this July has taught me soo many things about love. It has taught me that you can love someone so deeply its insaine. You can always forgive. That fighting is just a part of life and that it comes less often when you think about the other person first. I have learned that there is no other person on this planet that could fill the space Robert fills in my life and in my heart.

When God told me Robert was the one like always he was right. I am so glad I listened, that I grew up, that I realized the amazing thing I had in my life. That my real best friend my whole High School life was really Robert the whole time. It was like I pulled a blind fold off my eyes and was like: DUH HE IS AMAZING HOW DID I NOT SEE IT?

So Robert. He is my husband. Has been for like I said, almost five years now. I can not describe in words how breathless it makes me to think of that boy going to wrestling practice, beat boxing in the car, taking me to dances, driving me around, buying me clothes, listening to Michael Jackson with me is going to be a Father. A dad. And not just any Father, or Dad, the Father and Dad of MY baby, of ours.

Its probably being Prego that has all these feelings swooshing around inside me I know, but its still how I feel about him. I am so proud of him, so happy he is mine. For Eternity.



















I am so happy I started my Forever with him. BEST CHOICE/DAY EVER.

boy/girl

It is no surprise what the theme for my kids rooms will be. If I have a boy I am going to put up all my family crests on his walls. I am going to place a temple in the center and this quote on it:

"I am the son of a King, and the defender of my fathers throne. I will live with honor and faith"


If I have a girl her walls will have a picture of the temple. The three dresses poem and a quote:

"I am a daughter of God, heir to my fathers throne, I will stand for truth and virtue. I was not sent here to fail, but to succeed. "

The whole thing I want my children to understand and ingrain into their heads is who they are, and how important they are.

for me growing up with these things really helped me be who I am today. It helped me stay away from so many things that would hurt me and to be strong even when my friends may not have always followed the standards of the gospel.

I want my little girls to know they are SOOO special and important and that being a women is not less than being a man, but that embracing the women-hood that is so divine is important. I want my girls to know that they should be proud of who they are, and their special role to plan in Heavenly Fathers plan. A lot of the people in this world think a stay at home mom, or a mom devoted to her children is sexist or not their full potential. I know the world is wrong. I have no fear and no shame in sharing with the world that I could care less what it thinks and that being a wife, mother and a women is incredible.

I want my little boys to know they are sooo important. I want them to know they are boys and men and should embrace their roles. I think it is important to instill in all children a sense of honor and duty. I think that remembering they are bearers of their fathers name, and should be proud to be an Eshbaugh and remember what it means, what our family stands for. I want my boys to grow into strong men, who understand how important it is to respect women and to treat them right. I want them to be gentlemen and to one day make some women's happily ever after come true, just like their father did for me. I want my men to be the bread winners, I want them to understand they should love and take care and provide for their families, support their wives and never belittle them, but to honor women-hood.


I really want to help my children do so many things but these two things for boys and girls I keep thinking about and I guess it must be important. LOL I can not get it off my mind how much I want my children to love who they come from and who they can be and are. I want them not be afraid of their gender, like so many people are in the world. I hate all the news about sex changes and people having issues with that, and then the whole same sex attraction. I know my children will have to hear even more than this by the time they are teenagers, so I just want them to be grounded, have a solid foundation for WHO THEY ARE.




So boy or Girl?



I will be ready.

Bored

I AM SO BORED.

With having a cold and morning sickness and stuff like that I have really been missing alot out of life. It makes me sooo bored of watching movies and reading and sleeping. I AM SO BORED. lol I came home today and sat by the open window on the couch and began to look through some pics on my computer. Can you believe I have not taken pics sense finding out I was prego? Weird. And sooo not like me, but I am planning on this weekend to fix that. My house also, where have I been? Its a mess, and actually I mean its fairly clean but its Robert clean, and that means things are swept and put away but IN THE WRONG PLACES. and I still have a Christmas Wreath up! A CHRISTMAS wreath! ha. It would seem I kinda put my life on hold for a few months. Well, happy to say my cold is saying goodbye and my morning sickness is slowly (slowly) fading out. Looks like I might be given a break! few. Well this weekend looks like spring cleaning mixed with a nature walk so I can get some pics I have been itchin for. and maybe someday I will get around to posting picks of my not so big belly. Honestly I have taken NONE. but that is because I have not gotten anything. I heard that is normal that you can not show till way later. But anyways I am excited to be back in apart of life and to be feeling well again. Wow sometimes I felt like I would never feel normal again.

Love

They say that you can love someone at first sight. But what I know is that you can love someone before that. I loved my little baby the moment I took that pregnancy test. I loved my baby in elementary school when I would play with dolls and try and think of it as mine. I love my baby in Highschool when I said I would wait till marriage to have sex. I loved my baby on July 25,2008 when I created an eternal family. I also said I loved my baby so much I picked a man to be my husband that would be an AMAZING father.

I loved my baby so much that I worked real hard to put this baby's dad through school for the past 5 years. I loved my baby so much that I wrote my baby letters even before my baby was even created. I loved my baby so much that I knew God's timing was everything. I loved my baby so much that I made sure I was healthy.

I still love my baby so much. I believe that happiness is found in doing what is right. Sure tough times come and all that but its incredible to look back and see the path that has been being paved for you. I always had my little one on my mind.

So love at first sight? Nah I believe in love at first thought.

Dear baby E:

From the moment I thought about you till now I have always loved you. I am so grateful that I have been given the privileged of motherhood. I am so grateful you exist, and always have. I am so grateful that you get to come down to earth and get a body. Don't worry too much I will help you find your way. you are so special and there are so many things your heavenly father has in store for you. but you have already been so blessed because you have been given to parents who try their best and love God. You are being put in a family who sticks together, who works hard and are honest. You are incredible and we are excited to see what talents God will give you and what talents you will learn. We are excited to know the you, that you are. We will always be there for you we will always love you. So I will change your diapers feed you while you cant, will teach you to walk and talk and eventually go to the bathroom on your own. I will play games with you and explain to you about who you are. You will grow and learn so many things about this world. You will go to school someday you will not think Dad and I are too cool. But we still will love you. We will give you advice as you date teach you how you should behave. We will be there as you get your heart broken and as you find the right one to share your life with. We will be there when you get married in the Temple watch you raise children of your own. Then, you will understand what I feel right now, you will see someday the kind of love I have always felt for you, when you find out you are going to have a baby. When you meet that little one for the first time. Just remember I believe in love at first thought. I loved you the first time I thought about someday having a child and that was a long long time ago. You see darling, I will always always love you, I always have.

Love,
Momma

this is long...

Wow.

There are like a million things running through my head right now. This week was different. It started off with Monday off work and Tuesday leaving work early to get a peek at baby E. The week ended in pain and Friday home.

Everything on Tuesday with baby was wonderful baby is healthy and I could not ask for more. But on Friday morning I had such severe Abdominal pressure and pain I could not get out of bed or barely move. I could not go to work of course like that there is no way. I called in and slept trying to calm myself that everything would be ok. I called the doctor and he informed me that sometimes with pregnancy your intestines can become swollen and cause that horrible heavy pain. He said as long as those were my only symptoms that I should be ok and to do nothing but rest and call Monday if I am not feeling better or if anything changes.

I sat there on the couch and held a hand to my stomach. The doctor said though still so small my baby is still pushing on my insides and that causes the swelling. I was relived that it was nothing else but my discomfort and pain, grateful that my baby is ok.

I feel like I have wanted to be a mother, be pregnant for so long. Now that it is finally my turn I am grateful that my Heavenly Father waited till now. Not that my pregnancy has been the worst of all times, but it has for sure been a struggle. I remember looking at the pictures of mommies to be on blogs and facebook with their cute bellys and smiles and I thought wow it must be incredible to be pregnant.

It is incredible to be pregnant it is incredible that life lives inside of me, crazy to think there are two hearts beating inside of me now instead of just one. Its awesome to see the ultrasounds and I cry just picturing my little baby in my arms.

The best things in life are worth waiting for. The best things in life are also the things that challenge you the most.

It is hard to not be in total control of what is going on with my body. Its hard to explain the protectiveness I feel already for my unborn child.

Ive been on bed rest for three days, not that long for most people. It's hard when I thought it would be one way but its the other.

Pregnancy is tough hard work. Feeling sick and tired all day long sucks, having this pain is horrible. Trying not to stress so I will not have high blood pressure is hard too.

And sometimes I break down and cry to my husband and try to explain how incredibly happy I am and incredibly tired and sick. Its in those moments that I realize that even though its hard and even though its stressful and painful and all the above, it is mostly wonderful and exciting and thrilling.


so ya being pregnant for me is rather hard. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I work full time and commute. It probably is due to the fact that Robert is often at school or studying and life is not really average or normal around here, it never really was. And in my head I always thought I knew how it should be. I never dreamed years ago I would be living an hour from my family and work and Robert would be gone so much. But hey this is the cool thing, God did. He knew what my little picture in my head was. He knew I thought I would be married 19 and pregnant at 20. He knew I thought somehow I would not be working while pregnant. He knew I thought Robert would be home everyday for dinner and we would have it together and our nights would be our own. That is what I pictured so many years ago. Here is what God knew would happen:
Robert would be in school ALL THE TIME. He will barely have time to see me for an hour or two a day. We would be stressed for time and stretched so thin. I would have to be alone a lot. I would be working full time and commuting while pregnant and very sick and it would be hard.

So what did he do to help me? He gave me almost five years of this. He wanted me to understand my life was not what I pictured it. He wanted to get rid of what I thought would happen.

My life, our story is not at all what I planned. And although at first that was scary it is what I now want. I do not want what I think is good for me, I want what he knows is good for me.

But being pregnant is also happy to see my husbands eyes when he looks at our baby. His smile when we talk about names. his shoulder when he lets me cry on it. his arms when he holds me when he gets home. Its in the way he has cleaned our house many times, did the dishes, went shopping, got be poweraide because It is the only drink that makes me not feel nauseated. Its him renting me a movie because I am cooped up inside. Its me saying pizza sounds good and him leaving to get it without telling me. Its him getting me Orange Juice SOOO many times. Its him making me a bagel this morning before church even though he was running late. It's in him. I honestly do not know how some women do it alone. I do not even have my baby yet but how much I need my husband. He is better than me in so many ways and I am so grateful so grateful that he brings me such joy and reminds me of who I am. Even though our life is crazy and we do not spend so much time together, we make the most of the time we do have because of it. We do more things for each other selflessly and we understand how important the other is.

So I guess in the end sorry this is so long and if you read this your pretty awesome, but I am happy and I know all will be well. Even though even harder times may be ahead I know I am where I am suppose to be. I could not ask for anything more comforting than that.

I am now 10 weeks. God has blessed me so much.

Little Baby E update

Hey guys! This week was CRAZY! wow. It started of monday with a scare for my little baby.

I was at work and have been having HORRIBLE morning sickness when I get these sharp abdominal pains. SCARED. Good thing I work in a Doctors office. They said I should be checked out ASAP.

So I went with my mom (dont wanna go alone!) to the doctors and got to see my little baby for the first time!
That moment when I saw the little heart beating so fast I just started to tear up. I could not belive it was even real! I am really growin a baby inside me!! crazy! Baby E seems very photogenic as the doctor got a perfect pic of our little jelly bean:



He/She is like perfectly centered and front and center head and little arms! Can you see it! Such an awesome picture! We were sad that it was such a scare so Robert could not come. Turns out that the pains were caused by stress and I had really high blood pressure. Doc said thats normal when you feel like crap (understatement) I laughed and cried and we figured out how to help me. I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE morning sickness that lasts ALL DAY. and when you dive an hour to work mon-fri and work 8hrs its hard. I am often found sleeping in my car on my lunch break lol.

So this baby is kickin' my butt but oh well its all worth it.

So far I hate chicken just thinking about it grosses me out. I eat blan things now cause I get bad heart burn so basically my diet is plain rice potatos and some salad with tiny bit of dressing oh and I also LOVE toast wow yum... basically I am trying to eat a more balanced diet but its hard when everything smells and sounds like garbage. Robert made this awesome food and I had to lock myself in the bedroom for like 3 hours becuase I HATE the smell of Garlic.

I have yet to make it through a WHOLE day of church perfumes really get to me :(

Other than that I feel great! lol

We go in to see the baby on Tuesday this time Robert will be there! Pregnancy is awesome, but lots of work... I took a four hour nap today and am still tired. Seems all I do is work sleep and eat lol.

I am so excited for baby E to be here!

What my Facebook peps saw...

For me it's so hard to keep a secret about myself  when its something as important as this, I could not wait any longer.

We found out on Wednesday two weeks ago. I, all week long felt weird and nauseated and kinda felt like I was prego but pushed that thought away just in case I was not.

Well I got home and I just felt good happy even, other than nausea I was doing well. I just wanted to know if I was or not because I was just sick of not knowing, SO I told Robert I was gonna take a test.

I stood there in the bathroom and stared at the test confused and happy all at the same time. I was looking at the paper and sure enough the plus meant I was with Child. That moment it felt so surreal like it was not real. I was so happy I could not even move. I could not even fathom that being truth. So I stood there and then decided to tell Robert what I thought was a positive test.

It was crazy and wonderful I also had that thought like :

"Oh no, can I really do this?" and then 

I thought well heck yes!

and even though I am about only 7 weeks along I still could not wait to tell everyone and their mom. We waited till FRIDAY to tell my parents. FRIDAY! I thought I would DIE. 

We went out to dinner with my parents and I wrote on a card:

"We are having a BABY!" 

we had them open the card at the same time and my dad jumped from his chair ecstatic and my mom smiled and was so happy.

Everyone in the restaurant was looking at the scene and the waitress wrote CONGRATS 

on our check. 

We then went to my siblings homes and told them the same

and Roberts mom

and called his sister and the rest of the week tried to get a hold of the rest of his family

We wanted to tell everyone in person but I did not want to wait to post. I was having a really hard time.

SO finally last week I posted on Facebook and on here and I am so happy.

so far like I said I am about 7 weeks and have my first look at baby E on the 19th! :) we wont be able to see much but its cool at least to see something!

At this point it does not feel real yet. Like i keep telling Robert I just feel sick that's it. I do not know if most pregnant people feel like this or not but its like i feel like until I get a little belly or something then it will finally hit me.

In any case I am so excited and we just feel so loved by all who are so excited for us! 

We could not be happier.

I have been craving bean burritos and Chicken nuggets and even Orange chicken..

protein! lol

So far I can not eat cilantro and chicken on the bone or any fancy dressings

I can not even stomach ranch.

I am loving Mexican food 

hating anything with noodles

and gum and I are BFF's

Its all knew and different but I kinda am glad I have these symptoms because they remind me of little baby E who is growin inside me :)