this is long...

Wow.

There are like a million things running through my head right now. This week was different. It started off with Monday off work and Tuesday leaving work early to get a peek at baby E. The week ended in pain and Friday home.

Everything on Tuesday with baby was wonderful baby is healthy and I could not ask for more. But on Friday morning I had such severe Abdominal pressure and pain I could not get out of bed or barely move. I could not go to work of course like that there is no way. I called in and slept trying to calm myself that everything would be ok. I called the doctor and he informed me that sometimes with pregnancy your intestines can become swollen and cause that horrible heavy pain. He said as long as those were my only symptoms that I should be ok and to do nothing but rest and call Monday if I am not feeling better or if anything changes.

I sat there on the couch and held a hand to my stomach. The doctor said though still so small my baby is still pushing on my insides and that causes the swelling. I was relived that it was nothing else but my discomfort and pain, grateful that my baby is ok.

I feel like I have wanted to be a mother, be pregnant for so long. Now that it is finally my turn I am grateful that my Heavenly Father waited till now. Not that my pregnancy has been the worst of all times, but it has for sure been a struggle. I remember looking at the pictures of mommies to be on blogs and facebook with their cute bellys and smiles and I thought wow it must be incredible to be pregnant.

It is incredible to be pregnant it is incredible that life lives inside of me, crazy to think there are two hearts beating inside of me now instead of just one. Its awesome to see the ultrasounds and I cry just picturing my little baby in my arms.

The best things in life are worth waiting for. The best things in life are also the things that challenge you the most.

It is hard to not be in total control of what is going on with my body. Its hard to explain the protectiveness I feel already for my unborn child.

Ive been on bed rest for three days, not that long for most people. It's hard when I thought it would be one way but its the other.

Pregnancy is tough hard work. Feeling sick and tired all day long sucks, having this pain is horrible. Trying not to stress so I will not have high blood pressure is hard too.

And sometimes I break down and cry to my husband and try to explain how incredibly happy I am and incredibly tired and sick. Its in those moments that I realize that even though its hard and even though its stressful and painful and all the above, it is mostly wonderful and exciting and thrilling.


so ya being pregnant for me is rather hard. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I work full time and commute. It probably is due to the fact that Robert is often at school or studying and life is not really average or normal around here, it never really was. And in my head I always thought I knew how it should be. I never dreamed years ago I would be living an hour from my family and work and Robert would be gone so much. But hey this is the cool thing, God did. He knew what my little picture in my head was. He knew I thought I would be married 19 and pregnant at 20. He knew I thought somehow I would not be working while pregnant. He knew I thought Robert would be home everyday for dinner and we would have it together and our nights would be our own. That is what I pictured so many years ago. Here is what God knew would happen:
Robert would be in school ALL THE TIME. He will barely have time to see me for an hour or two a day. We would be stressed for time and stretched so thin. I would have to be alone a lot. I would be working full time and commuting while pregnant and very sick and it would be hard.

So what did he do to help me? He gave me almost five years of this. He wanted me to understand my life was not what I pictured it. He wanted to get rid of what I thought would happen.

My life, our story is not at all what I planned. And although at first that was scary it is what I now want. I do not want what I think is good for me, I want what he knows is good for me.

But being pregnant is also happy to see my husbands eyes when he looks at our baby. His smile when we talk about names. his shoulder when he lets me cry on it. his arms when he holds me when he gets home. Its in the way he has cleaned our house many times, did the dishes, went shopping, got be poweraide because It is the only drink that makes me not feel nauseated. Its him renting me a movie because I am cooped up inside. Its me saying pizza sounds good and him leaving to get it without telling me. Its him getting me Orange Juice SOOO many times. Its him making me a bagel this morning before church even though he was running late. It's in him. I honestly do not know how some women do it alone. I do not even have my baby yet but how much I need my husband. He is better than me in so many ways and I am so grateful so grateful that he brings me such joy and reminds me of who I am. Even though our life is crazy and we do not spend so much time together, we make the most of the time we do have because of it. We do more things for each other selflessly and we understand how important the other is.

So I guess in the end sorry this is so long and if you read this your pretty awesome, but I am happy and I know all will be well. Even though even harder times may be ahead I know I am where I am suppose to be. I could not ask for anything more comforting than that.

I am now 10 weeks. God has blessed me so much.

Little Baby E update

Hey guys! This week was CRAZY! wow. It started of monday with a scare for my little baby.

I was at work and have been having HORRIBLE morning sickness when I get these sharp abdominal pains. SCARED. Good thing I work in a Doctors office. They said I should be checked out ASAP.

So I went with my mom (dont wanna go alone!) to the doctors and got to see my little baby for the first time!
That moment when I saw the little heart beating so fast I just started to tear up. I could not belive it was even real! I am really growin a baby inside me!! crazy! Baby E seems very photogenic as the doctor got a perfect pic of our little jelly bean:



He/She is like perfectly centered and front and center head and little arms! Can you see it! Such an awesome picture! We were sad that it was such a scare so Robert could not come. Turns out that the pains were caused by stress and I had really high blood pressure. Doc said thats normal when you feel like crap (understatement) I laughed and cried and we figured out how to help me. I have HORRIBLE HORRIBLE morning sickness that lasts ALL DAY. and when you dive an hour to work mon-fri and work 8hrs its hard. I am often found sleeping in my car on my lunch break lol.

So this baby is kickin' my butt but oh well its all worth it.

So far I hate chicken just thinking about it grosses me out. I eat blan things now cause I get bad heart burn so basically my diet is plain rice potatos and some salad with tiny bit of dressing oh and I also LOVE toast wow yum... basically I am trying to eat a more balanced diet but its hard when everything smells and sounds like garbage. Robert made this awesome food and I had to lock myself in the bedroom for like 3 hours becuase I HATE the smell of Garlic.

I have yet to make it through a WHOLE day of church perfumes really get to me :(

Other than that I feel great! lol

We go in to see the baby on Tuesday this time Robert will be there! Pregnancy is awesome, but lots of work... I took a four hour nap today and am still tired. Seems all I do is work sleep and eat lol.

I am so excited for baby E to be here!

What my Facebook peps saw...

For me it's so hard to keep a secret about myself  when its something as important as this, I could not wait any longer.

We found out on Wednesday two weeks ago. I, all week long felt weird and nauseated and kinda felt like I was prego but pushed that thought away just in case I was not.

Well I got home and I just felt good happy even, other than nausea I was doing well. I just wanted to know if I was or not because I was just sick of not knowing, SO I told Robert I was gonna take a test.

I stood there in the bathroom and stared at the test confused and happy all at the same time. I was looking at the paper and sure enough the plus meant I was with Child. That moment it felt so surreal like it was not real. I was so happy I could not even move. I could not even fathom that being truth. So I stood there and then decided to tell Robert what I thought was a positive test.

It was crazy and wonderful I also had that thought like :

"Oh no, can I really do this?" and then 

I thought well heck yes!

and even though I am about only 7 weeks along I still could not wait to tell everyone and their mom. We waited till FRIDAY to tell my parents. FRIDAY! I thought I would DIE. 

We went out to dinner with my parents and I wrote on a card:

"We are having a BABY!" 

we had them open the card at the same time and my dad jumped from his chair ecstatic and my mom smiled and was so happy.

Everyone in the restaurant was looking at the scene and the waitress wrote CONGRATS 

on our check. 

We then went to my siblings homes and told them the same

and Roberts mom

and called his sister and the rest of the week tried to get a hold of the rest of his family

We wanted to tell everyone in person but I did not want to wait to post. I was having a really hard time.

SO finally last week I posted on Facebook and on here and I am so happy.

so far like I said I am about 7 weeks and have my first look at baby E on the 19th! :) we wont be able to see much but its cool at least to see something!

At this point it does not feel real yet. Like i keep telling Robert I just feel sick that's it. I do not know if most pregnant people feel like this or not but its like i feel like until I get a little belly or something then it will finally hit me.

In any case I am so excited and we just feel so loved by all who are so excited for us! 

We could not be happier.

I have been craving bean burritos and Chicken nuggets and even Orange chicken..

protein! lol

So far I can not eat cilantro and chicken on the bone or any fancy dressings

I can not even stomach ranch.

I am loving Mexican food 

hating anything with noodles

and gum and I are BFF's

Its all knew and different but I kinda am glad I have these symptoms because they remind me of little baby E who is growin inside me :)