this is long...

Wow.

There are like a million things running through my head right now. This week was different. It started off with Monday off work and Tuesday leaving work early to get a peek at baby E. The week ended in pain and Friday home.

Everything on Tuesday with baby was wonderful baby is healthy and I could not ask for more. But on Friday morning I had such severe Abdominal pressure and pain I could not get out of bed or barely move. I could not go to work of course like that there is no way. I called in and slept trying to calm myself that everything would be ok. I called the doctor and he informed me that sometimes with pregnancy your intestines can become swollen and cause that horrible heavy pain. He said as long as those were my only symptoms that I should be ok and to do nothing but rest and call Monday if I am not feeling better or if anything changes.

I sat there on the couch and held a hand to my stomach. The doctor said though still so small my baby is still pushing on my insides and that causes the swelling. I was relived that it was nothing else but my discomfort and pain, grateful that my baby is ok.

I feel like I have wanted to be a mother, be pregnant for so long. Now that it is finally my turn I am grateful that my Heavenly Father waited till now. Not that my pregnancy has been the worst of all times, but it has for sure been a struggle. I remember looking at the pictures of mommies to be on blogs and facebook with their cute bellys and smiles and I thought wow it must be incredible to be pregnant.

It is incredible to be pregnant it is incredible that life lives inside of me, crazy to think there are two hearts beating inside of me now instead of just one. Its awesome to see the ultrasounds and I cry just picturing my little baby in my arms.

The best things in life are worth waiting for. The best things in life are also the things that challenge you the most.

It is hard to not be in total control of what is going on with my body. Its hard to explain the protectiveness I feel already for my unborn child.

Ive been on bed rest for three days, not that long for most people. It's hard when I thought it would be one way but its the other.

Pregnancy is tough hard work. Feeling sick and tired all day long sucks, having this pain is horrible. Trying not to stress so I will not have high blood pressure is hard too.

And sometimes I break down and cry to my husband and try to explain how incredibly happy I am and incredibly tired and sick. Its in those moments that I realize that even though its hard and even though its stressful and painful and all the above, it is mostly wonderful and exciting and thrilling.


so ya being pregnant for me is rather hard. It probably has a lot to do with the fact I work full time and commute. It probably is due to the fact that Robert is often at school or studying and life is not really average or normal around here, it never really was. And in my head I always thought I knew how it should be. I never dreamed years ago I would be living an hour from my family and work and Robert would be gone so much. But hey this is the cool thing, God did. He knew what my little picture in my head was. He knew I thought I would be married 19 and pregnant at 20. He knew I thought somehow I would not be working while pregnant. He knew I thought Robert would be home everyday for dinner and we would have it together and our nights would be our own. That is what I pictured so many years ago. Here is what God knew would happen:
Robert would be in school ALL THE TIME. He will barely have time to see me for an hour or two a day. We would be stressed for time and stretched so thin. I would have to be alone a lot. I would be working full time and commuting while pregnant and very sick and it would be hard.

So what did he do to help me? He gave me almost five years of this. He wanted me to understand my life was not what I pictured it. He wanted to get rid of what I thought would happen.

My life, our story is not at all what I planned. And although at first that was scary it is what I now want. I do not want what I think is good for me, I want what he knows is good for me.

But being pregnant is also happy to see my husbands eyes when he looks at our baby. His smile when we talk about names. his shoulder when he lets me cry on it. his arms when he holds me when he gets home. Its in the way he has cleaned our house many times, did the dishes, went shopping, got be poweraide because It is the only drink that makes me not feel nauseated. Its him renting me a movie because I am cooped up inside. Its me saying pizza sounds good and him leaving to get it without telling me. Its him getting me Orange Juice SOOO many times. Its him making me a bagel this morning before church even though he was running late. It's in him. I honestly do not know how some women do it alone. I do not even have my baby yet but how much I need my husband. He is better than me in so many ways and I am so grateful so grateful that he brings me such joy and reminds me of who I am. Even though our life is crazy and we do not spend so much time together, we make the most of the time we do have because of it. We do more things for each other selflessly and we understand how important the other is.

So I guess in the end sorry this is so long and if you read this your pretty awesome, but I am happy and I know all will be well. Even though even harder times may be ahead I know I am where I am suppose to be. I could not ask for anything more comforting than that.

I am now 10 weeks. God has blessed me so much.