You know the saying good things happen to those who wait?
Well I hated that saying. WITH A PASSION. Untill, I discovered that it is actually correct.
Who hates waiting? (raise of hands = everyone)
I hate it. I am not patient. Not ever. I need to work on this. :)
So here is a little story.
In January this year Robert and I found out we were expecting our first child. OUR FIRST BABY!
Big deal. whaooo!! (you all know this)
We were thrilled!
Over the moon happy about it.
But the uncertainty of life happened upon me and my planner brain. I hit panic mode.
My dreams of becoming a mom now somewhat realized, I had a new fear (my old fear was that I could not have a baby) My new fear was that I could not be a stay at home mother like I had always wanted and dreamed about for as long as I can remember. (long time-specific memory of playing with baby dolls thinking one day I would be a mom.)
I looked at our life, Robert graduating school, studying for the MCAT trying to have him find work and inbetween all that HAVE A BABY.
Sheesh. Life seemed so confusing.
After Robert graduated he went right into study mode(after a week vacation of course). Now, this test the MCAT needs to take up all his time to study. It is an insaine test that demands every second and hour of his time. Seriously.
So looking for a job? Unfortunatly it was on the back burner because his test was a more important detail for our families future, if I had to work I still could after the baby even though I would hate it.
But, one day while I was crying and praying and trying to figure out what our plans would be, and how possibly God would make this happen for us I had this feeling. The feeling that: Kayla everything will be ok. Now, I get this feeling A LOT, because I freak out A LOT.
It was the kind of peace that you feel but you do not understand it. Why do I feel calm when I know everything is NOT ok. But that is when I had to think more with my heart and not my brain. I remember the moment I was at home waiting for Robert to finish up in the Lab and I thought to myself:
"OK I give up. I will not try and figure it out, I will leave it up to you. I belive that being a stay at home mom is a righteous desire. I believe that with my whole heart. So, I will have faith in you Heavenly Father, I will have faith you know whats up, and I will wait. Even though I hate waiting."
I posted on Facebook my status: I hate it when I have faith but not patience.
Robert came home late, as normal. He was overly excited.
Turns out on his lunch break today one of his friends was saying another one of his friends just got this awesome new job so after he graduates he is set. I rolled my eyes as he tells me this, I mean really? Robert? Rub it in that he is lucky and we are not...
He told me his friend that got the job was leaving a position opened in a Lab... My heart stoped. It could not be? Not that quick really? REALLY? (simmer down Kayla remember you are being patient?)
He said he had to talk to him and see if he can try and recomend him for the spot.
Long story short, Robert got the job. It pays enough for me to stop working.
Last week we found out his pay.
I put in my notice at work this morning.
I can not believe myself. Why I can never have the patience to just see things through. I have no idea why I have to freak out so much. But this experiance has shown me that I am not waiting next time to tell Heavenly Father its in his hands. I am going to do that first thing.
I am so happy.
I am so happy.
I am also a little nervous on what my new life will bring. I hope it will be all I dreamed of. (see? on to my next worry... sheesh). I hope that I will be able to be the mother I want to be, and nothing will be able to hold me back. I guess I do not do well with change.
I am so excited to be a mother, but there are times when I get worried I will fail or not know what to do or something. I know these fears are normal for mothers to have. I know that being a first time mom it is all new to me, and as I said before I do not do well with new or change.
But I will learn. Nothing will be more rewarding than being a mom. Nothing. And I will change, and there will be no better change than being a better me.
Happy Monday!
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