Marriage

Ok so some people think its all butterflies and rainbows. I get it. When I was growin' I thought it was the "easy" part of life being married and all.-- HAHAHAH THATS FUNNY.

I am here to tell you after 4 years ( and I know I am no expert )  that is has both been the easiest part of my life, and yet the hardest.


Let me explain.

Love is the most important thing to me. When I was a young little girl I wanted to be a princess and wanted a prince or my night in shinning armor to come find me and sweep me off my feet. I read story after story about these amazing tales and wanted it so badly. ( know realy shocker... YOU did that? lol)

Then when I was 14 and crazy obsessed with boys I met Robert. Its no secret that I did not give him the time of day. Its also no secret that he worked so darn hard to earn my love and my trust. But he did.

It made sence, Robert and I. Not only in my head but also in my heart, years later when I was seventeen. And those two places are the most important. But why? Why did I fall in love with him? Its hard to say or I should say rather its hard to put into words just how it happened for me, because as most of you know Robert is my first love. (meaning only love) and I have nothing to compare it to. For a while I thought that you had to fall in love a bunch of times to be sure in the end it was right. But by only having one love, I was able to never have a broken heart. I got to experience all the joy love brings and not really any of the hardship that broken hearts bring at all. So why am I telling you this? Well I don't know to be honest, but I feel compelled to write about it so, when I feel that way I write and we just see what happens. ;) Falling in love is no doubt the foundation to a great marriage. Now before I go any further a "great" marriage does not mean PERFECT marriage. It just means great, cause you can never have a perfect marriage with two imperfect people, it just does not work that way. So ya its not perfect. But its perfectly imperfect. :)
(see how I did that? lol)






The misconception with marriage is that its EASY. Or that its SUPER hard. The truth is, at least for me is that its both. Its a challege to let someone in so completely. Difficult when you never lived alone with someone before.

 marriage is hard, but thats no surprise right? cause life is hard. Who said it was easy? So honestly if someone was to ask me if marriage was hard this is what I would say:
"Would you agree if I said life is hard? at least sometimes?"
then I would say after they said YES:
"Then marriage is still living you life, so its hard, just now you have another person to share it with."
And that my friends is the truth.


so Robert always forgets to take out the trash....
I forget the scrub down the counters in the kitchen....
so he never takes his shoes off and trails dirt EVERYWHERE....
I stack my dishes in the sink, in what I think is creative and maybe breaks dishes from time to time...
(I am building towers people, it looks cool)




but those things those little every day annoyances dont matter really. Thats the problem. Most, or well some people get too caught up in that stuff, the stuff that does not really matter. So am I gonna think Robert is the worst husband ever because he NEVER takes out the trash? NO.
what if I find out that so and so's husband always takes out the trash? Then will I get mad? NO.
Truth be told, So and so's husband is not the man I fell in love with. So and so fell in love with him.


Thats another BIG NO-NO. NO comparisons. You have NO IDEA what happens in those so called "perfect relationships/marriages" NO IDEA. so you can not even allow for even one second you to compare your marriage or relationship to another. Because, just as two people differ from another and non are the same, so it is with marriage and relationships, no two are the same. That "take out the trash guy" May just love wearing the same shirt everyday... yea I would rather trade the no trash... and that "take out the trash guy's" wife is probably thinking... yea I could NOT handle it if he did not take out the trash!

Anyways these are things I was so happy to learn before marriage. So even though it still drives me crazy he forgets to take out the trash and even though I give him a hard time about it every once in a while. I know that in truth its not the end of the world, because I am glad he is imperfect, because I forget stuff too.


I know some people may get really annoyed with me. The other day someone told me my life was like a disney movie. LOL. (Meet husband at 14... first kiss ...first love...Marriage.)

I am not a lier, I really am happy and I really am madly in love with Robert. And on a daily basis I can not believe how madly in love he is with me. (I swear he is crazy)

For us we keep a few key rules to make us so "happy"

-Do not go to bed without solving the problem, but if you get tired and need a break go to sleep and talk about it in the morning. It always seems a little more foolish after a couple of hours.




-When you are in a heated conversation take a "time out" and think clearly before continuing, most of the time what we were fighting about was STUPID and we would just laugh about it later.

-always put the other person first. This goes in all things, but you can not be selfish in a relationship. For most of my single life I could be, but when you are married you have to think of the other person above yourself. You worry about them first, so they can worry about you first. When you are serving others (even your spouce) you are more happy.

-Laugh often. Life is hard as I have stated, and its important to laugh, and to let lose, to enjoy each others company you dont want all your conversations to be "doom and gloom" but about happy things too. Share joys in life aswell as sorrows.



-Remember why you fell in love--This was maybe the best thing told to us on our wedding day. "Remember why you fell in love" Everytime I want to scream at Robert for something, or want to just tackle him or what ever, I look at him and repeat that phrase. I recall our past and am able to remember that although he really made me mad or what ever, he is still Robert, the one I loved so long ago and love still. This helps because falling in love is amazing, so when you remember it and talk about it, it brings you joy and happiness.

-Go on dates. Seriously its important and I do not mean like fancy outings (although they are a fav) I mean one day a week that you and your man get to be with each other. Dinner a movie, mini golf, talking for hours, cuddling on the couch, bowling, take out, picknick, park, drives, anything. As long as you spend time together your relationship still grows, although you are married you are still growing up. How horrible in ten years you realized that you did not know the person you married anymore because you were to busy? Anyways you still need to date when your married, the awesome thing is that you get to always have a date and its always with the man of your dreams, and he loves you (AMAZING!!!!!!)


-If you are not become each others best friends. This was a big thing for me. Robert was already my best friend when I started dating him, so that was easy, but even though we are married I am still his best friend and he is mine. We think as each other as friends, because we are, we care about each other want to make sure the other person is ok, and we love each other. Being best friends and loving being around each other is key.

-do not expect perfection. Its simple just don't. and be happy your spouse is not perfect, because you sure as heck are not.


-Know the ways your spouse needs to be shown love. We read the five love languages. or well actually after saying that I realized we just took the test in the back lol anyways its a way for you and your spouse to understand each other better. Like for me when Robert would give me a hug or a kiss that was how he was showing he loved me, but thats not my love language, its verbal, so I needed to hear him say it. See? we are all different.

-Always say I love you and mean it. Simple just say it. Don't let a day go by, or for us we don't let a phone call or a text or email go by without expressing our love. Cause one day can turn into three then ten then a whole year... BAD.


So I have written a TON wow if you read all that your my hero.

The point is that if you did not realize that #1 life is hard, #2 people are not perfect, #3 Love is the most important thing, then of course you think marriage is hard.

 If you want happiness in marriage DO NOT expect perfection. And if you want your husband to do something maybe you should try telling him.
 you HAVE to remember boys I mean sorry MEN think WAY different than we do. WAY different.


From the first day we got engaged when someone told Robert and I we would not make it a year
till four years nowgoing strong I can tell you this: It has been the hardest, the easiest, the scariest, the most happiest four years of my life.

Marriage is so amazing, its two best friends who fell in love coming together and putting there lives together, because they could not live without the other. Its living life, although its hard (life) and getting through trials and hard times and good times and happy times together. And its at the end of each day having someone there always, someone who loves you more than anyone else in the world. And you loving them the same.
No matter what happens in my life, I know Robert and I are in it together. And not only that but our marriage will last through out all eternity. And that my friends is a relationship that needs to be nurtured- one that will literally last forever.



So yes I still get butterflies when Robert kisses me like he did the first time. Yes I still hold his hand every chance I get. Yes he is the one I tell everything too. He is the one who calms me down, who lifts me up, who protects me, who helps me. The one who I sleep next to everynight, and wake up to in the morning.The one who dances with me in the middle of the street. The one who sometimes kicks me in his sleep, but when I move away pulls me closer and smiles. He is the one who I love more than any one else in this world. I do not regret one kiss one laugh, one argument one fight on tear one smile one frown, one touch, one hug. I love them all and I want them all, because not only do they make us who we are, but they make us better people, stronger. 


So, Robert I love you with everything in me.

 The thing that gets me every time is that I know you feel the this same way about me.


and that's kinda Crazy,
Cause I love you a lot.

but then again we love like crazy, so it kinda makes sense.

I love you!
Your Wife,

Kayla

P.S. I love you
P.S.S. Thanks for the best 4 years of my life love.